a wave of anger!!!

for 13 years i have been studying,
i could vow that this semester is the most terrible moment for me! it's a nightmare!!!
damn it!!!
i can't even get a pass for crm coursework easily,
thanks for that bloody sucks guy,
i gotta learned a unforgettable lesson today.
zero contribution in assignments and now you put all the blame on technical part!!!
you can't even manage to print out and submit the assignment on time!!!
it was just a easy work, and you can't did it.
you are sucks!!!
i will never ever group with you again!!!
for crm, now the maximum marks i could get will be only 50marks!!
wtf!!!
from the minimum 50marks turned to maximum 50marks.
wow, lim cian yai, you are super duper brilliant to group with him!!!
this is the wisest decision you've made...
good things never happen since i grouped with them.
comm theories => referencing mistakes, maximum passing marks
crm => submitted one hour after deadline.
spanky, i wanna tell u,
advanced diploma is important for me,
u can stay till whenever you want,
even u can stay 10more years in TARC!!!
but i want to finish my study within two years, don't mess up my plan!!!
i tell you, i will curse and kill you 99 if my ptptn gone because of this!!!

perhaps i'm really disgusting

the mood goes to the downiest tip.
just now my sister scolded me again,
and i put the biggest effort to control myself from not arguing with her.
perhaps in her eyes, i'm really disgusting.
perhaps in her eyes, i'm irresponsible.
perhaps in her eyes, i'm not the one of this family.
perhaps, i shouldn't be here.
this is the second time i wish i could disappear from here without a trace.
disappear like a puff of smoke.
so she won't be pissed off with me anymore,
and perhaps i can be happier.
i always wish i won't burden anyone,
but eventually i'm the one who always make them unhappy.
i guess both of us tired of liaising with each other.
moments ago, she scolded me, i took a deep breath,
sobbing alone like a kid can't find her parents.
i feel disapproved because my mom also on behalf of her.
have they really cared my feelings?
i know everyone is depressed, so i stopped the argue by silence.
but when i'm not happy, getting pissed off with her,
who's going listen to me?
why don't she just said what she dissatisfies with me through a better manner?
why she keeps on saying me i do not care about this family?
why she needs a mediator to point out what are my mistakes without giving a valid reason?
why we are not like a family anymore?
why...
she is stressful, but me as well....
the mediator said i'm always back home late, short-sighted, irresponsible...
all these i can accept.
but when the mediator said i'm indecent and immature in thinking, i really want to cry...
what i've done that makes them feel so?
am i didn't behave well? am i create lot of problems for them?
personally, i always try to lessen their burden,
but eventually they never been satisfied with me...

remembrance to Yasmin Ahmad

Yasmin Ahmad, a renowned film director in malaysia's film and advertisement industry.
her pieces of art included: Sepet, Gubra, Mukhsin and numerous Petronas advertisements.
regrettably, she past away yesterday after a stroke,
she was 51-years-old.

she collapsed few days ago in a meeting at Sri Pentas and remained unconscious for the following days.
personally, i like the movie Sepet,
it's an award-winning movie about the love between a Chinese guy and a Malay girl.
it's the first local film that i be attracted to.
Yasmin Ahmad, she was a guy before.
she chose to be a woman in spite of dissuasion from Malay community.
even some Malays curse she goes to hell after died.
i hope she can rest in peace.
Cannes Film Festival award-winning advertisement - Tan Hong Ming

也許長痛不如短痛

once again, the god never let my family free from problems.

sigh..
few days ago, doctor informed us that there an tub obstruction inside my sister brain.
again, two choices.
first, do operation, temporary extend her life, she still will be lying on bed after operation.
second, don't do operation, opposite of the above, she still will be lying on bed after operation .
personally, i will choose the second.
majority of my family and my so called "brother-in-law" choose the second except my mom,
it doesn't mean we are cruel, cold-blooded.
we are sad and depressed seeing her suffered on bed for two years.
we ask ourselves, how longer we can maintain her life?
her life is as a sand glass, count downing how much the days she will beside us,
how many days we still can see her..
i know what my mom wants,
she just wants to extend my sister's life even only for one second.
but when there's no sign of hope, perhaps it's better for us to let her go.


姐，很慶倖能與你做了二十多年的姐妹。
姐，原諒我當時的任性，我的無知，
我希望你能有看到這裡的一天，
我期望能在於你繼續做二十年，三十年，四十年甚至永遠的姐妹。
若下輩子我們還能做姐妹，就讓我來照顧你吧



終於知道爲什麽這裡總是帶著淡淡的憂傷，那是因為這裡的主人並不快樂。。。
她。。。
只想要快樂。。。

depressed

comm. theories assignment is around the corner.
i spent a whole night to do crm, but rejected without by chan looked twice.
i skipped tana's class this morning, overslept. the result is i lost 20 marks of assignments.

chee hoe asked me why i absent, i shrugged my shoulder and said overslept, pretended as i didn't care the 20 marks.

but i heard there's a voice sneering at me: are you really don't care the 20 marks?? ahahaha... you are a loser...
i shook my head, there must be a delusion...

i mind the marks but not willing to admit it.

malaysia education system makes everyone bear in mind that marks is everything, i'm one of it...

sucks muhiyddin gambles the future of kids...

sigh...

seems i can't do well in anything...
advanced is far more difficult than i imagine, depressed depressed depressed.
no regret, no grumbling, do the best you can....
anymore other than this?
coincidentally found that rui ern also face the same problem these few days..
everyone is depressed, pressure from study, pressure from work, pressure from family...
i wish i could disappear without a trace....

the briefest post

i want to write something about the concept of One Malaysia by our Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak, but wait till i'm free first as now is 2 o'clock in the morning...



this post was updated 06 Oct 2010, 2.28 AM
at the end i did not express my view towards his 1Malaysia policy since the blogger was so lazy =p

bora bora island

new blog header image : bora bora island from tahiti, french.
it's a paradise!!!

a busy day

i woke up 8.30 am, it is considered early in the morning as my class starts on 11am.
i accompanied my mom went to wet market and then to college.
frankly, after practical i thought eventually i can back home rest, yahooo!!!
but, things always opposite with what you wish for.
as planning earlier, i would go shooting with tabby at Mid Valley Exhibition Center to cover Pet World exhibition.
however, tabby sent me a messages that she was fever, and ask me whether we can make it tomorrow instead.
i thought there would be only two of us go to cover the news, thus i replied Sunday is fine, take a good rest.
after the class, only i realized janet and siew lai would join also.
they didn't inform us.
that's why i said we have communication problem =.=
we took nearly two hours to cover the exhibition, and i learned some techniques about shooting e.g: white balance, panning and etc.
but regrettably my handphone is condemned, can't capture any pictures.
otherwise, pics of this post will be two huge San Bernards and Huskies.
wow, the San Bernards are almost same as my height, amazing!!!
after covered about the exhibition, we had our lunch at restaurant Yoshinova, a japanese restaurant that renowned with its beef rice.
definitely, i'm not going to order that set of meal.
i ordered a vege bowl and one miso soup, it costs me almost 10 bucks.
while janet and siew lai them only average seven bucks for a set of meal that included rice, soup, boiled egg and seven up.
my meal was comparatively expensive o.0, it's unfair...
vege costs more than beef???
and i really need to admit that both of them are energetic, after had lunch went shopping, hanging around till 8pm.
that's why in the end, i only managed back to wangsa maju at 9pm.
waiting in 191 for another half an hour, my eyes lid only can be opened for 5mm, almost fall asleep along the way back to genting kelang.
no doubt, metrobus has a "satisfied" efficiency.
perhaps 90% out of 100% tarcian that stay at setapak area agree with the above statement.
lastly, i was bad luck.
a ruthless driver bumped into my dad's wira in the way back from visiting sister.
and i'm the useless driver.
sigh...

a 15-minute post

i try to type this post within 10minutes,
but i know i couldn't do it as i have tonne of rubbish to be thrown after one week didn't update my blog.

firstly, i think i'm facing communication gap with broadcast student.
we are in different world in spite of us having the same target.
i think we shall be communicate quite well as both study about mass communication.
however, perhaps i only can handle mass communication
(which means communicate with a large group of people) rather than interpersonal communication.
i hope the assignment cooperate with broadcast's students will finish as soon as possible
maybe i'm over sensitive, i sense ivy doesn't like me and tabby.
she seems like prejudice towards us.
janet, siew lai them are quite friendly.

secondly, all the best to ah wing.
he is going to new zealand soon.

thirdly, within one week, i quarreled with shin kiat for a few times.
we are having bad mood recently.

fourthly, the pressure of assignments are getting heavier.

fifthly, few days didn't visit sister, god bless her recover soon...

lastly, i'm getting lazier, satwant must be slightly disappointed in my performance.
sorry sir, i will not skip class anymore.

i finished this post within 15 minutes.
and finally i realised why i'm not welcomed by guys.
haha...

fierce, boyish, strong...
i wonder if i could pretend to be more lovely, will the consequences change??

special day to all fathers

21th of june was 2009 annual father's day, but family celebrated earlier, my sister was going to join a short trip to redang after dinner on saturday.

damn jealous her, I WANT GO TO BEACH!!!! my heart have been thirsting for years, but still couldn't get a chance. IT'S UNFAIR!!!
let's talk about where we're having dinner.
estimated 20mins journey from the heart of kuala lumpur, we reached kepong.
the restaurant hides in industrial park, named Camp Forest. the entrance is not obvious if you do not pay attention to the surrounding.
here's the snapshot of the shop: photo quality is bad, handphone camera only 2MPsurrounding of shop: it's nice, give it a thumb up!!!

i forgot to take the photo of those scrumptious dishes for instance sweet sour prawn, organic spinach soup, fried organic lettuce, "dong po rou" (don't know how to translate =.=, but it's quite famous since the early dynasty of china).

and for sure all are vegetarian.
when i realized that i should take some photos in order to promote the nice restaurant, blank plates were ready for me XD.
here are some pictures of my lovely and dearly family members:

she pretended as she is jay chou, beh tahan =.=he is cool, lol

my happy moment

the last day of milo fuze project, thanks to kar mun, kai xuan, kelly them that helped me a lot...
they are nice and funny, dude...
hope to see them soon because temporary i would not work with demo power.
saturday have to attend broadcast production class, that's why i have to give up.
the journey is getting harder, AJR students are facing overloaded assignments this semester.
how to communicate with broadcast students? how to produce a news segment?
the broadcast writing assignment makes me worried the most.
i'm facing the same problem with chee hoe, both of us were wandering at junction for quite a long time, however it's our decision to continue it.
perseverance is the key of success either.
job was done, outing with family at pizza hut as a reward.
as usual,two regular veggie lover and picked up all the onion before enjoy the pizza.
lol... onion is prohibited.wearing skirt, but always act rudemilo fuze booth outlook

my sister

looks like never been eating pizza XD

"doctor" nowadays

a moment ago, i argued with a "doctor".
sure u will ask, y i argued with the "doctor"?
firstly, i put apostrophe marks on the word because he is not eligible for me to address him as doctor.
just now, i accompanied my mom to clinic as she is suffering from fever for few days.
2 days ago, she went before but the "doctor" didn't prescribe fever medicine for my mom.
thus, when in the consultation session with the "doctor", i was asking about why there was no fever medicine prescribed?
he said: you better go to IPR now. i'm only follow the medicine last time.
and then the "doctor" said the fever is not important.
and i do not fathom about this statement, so i asked further.
and the "doctor" suddenly get irritated and scold me : what's ur occupation?"
i answered: i'm student.
and then he said : you are only a student,
i'm doctor.
i got a "medical degree".
don't laugh at me.
i know more than you, the way u talk is rude,
what the hell? when i laugh at you? the way i talk is rude?
the "doctor" is over-sensitive. i'm just asking why fever and why there was no fever medine was prescribed.
i'm consumer, and now i cannot ask any question. right?
i know he does not have the capability to cure fever, and afraid my question will reveal his stupidity in front of staff.
that's why he scolded me before i ask further question.
if he is really capable, he won't be clinic now, isn't it?
i've never doubt about his professionalism when i stepped in the clinic, but now i'm totally changed my mind. i know he gets a medical degree, and get a PhD, that's why he is Permanent head Damage now.
firstly, the "doctor" do not possess etiquette
secondly, cannot doubt about the medicine prescribe by "doctor"
thirdly, there is no consumers' right in malaysia.
and the clinic i went is Klinik dan Surgeri Setapak. it is located at Genting Kelang. the so called "doctor" is an indian, slightly plumpy with little beard.

my sister has been discharged from hospital and now stay in Medicare center nearby bukit bintang yesterday.
the reason why doctor approved my sister to be discharged was not due to she recovers from illness.
it's because there is no sign of development of her illness, thus it's better to let my sister discharged rather than stay at hospital for ages.
the amenities of medicare center isn't good enough.
the bed cannot be adjusted, not enough manpower to take care of so many patients.
moreover,there was no nurse check my sister frequently.
my mom worried how they will treat my sis and if something happen to my sis...
is my sister can get good care?
it's pathetic when think about it.
the medicare center charges rm1400 per month.
i couldn't figure out how a big sum of money my brother-in-law has spent in these two years...
god bless my sis...
i browse our photos, our face are full with happiness.
i miss the moment we celebrate father's and mother's day together.
no one was absent before...
sometimes i will avoid looking on these pics, but i can't help missing my sister.
it's as if my sister was beside us, nothing happened before.
once i see it, tears uncontrollably fall down my cheek...

a new semester

if u visit to my blog, u will found that it's in two languages either english or chinese.
when i am lazy, den i will type in english language.
if i'm hardworking enough, then definitely my post will be in chinese.
the first day of june 2009, i start my advanced diploma in journalism.
it's just the main course of journalism and it's just 10 students.
i expect it.
there are 3 writing papers in this semester, broadcast, online and business.
the business writing paper makes me frustrated, the first lecture was just introduction about jargon that will be used in writing.
what is elasticity in business writing?
moreover, we need memorize formula.
what the hell...
the maggi goreng i had eaten 2 hours ago was fully digested after business writing class.
now i found out that my digestive system really works well... lol...

幸運❤

耳邊聽著阿信與叮噹的走火入魔，眼睛在看著jeff的旭陽。
他的最新一篇是關於他的感情事，看來他喜歡一個女孩很久了，但最後他只能讓自己做個她生命裡的過客，感覺好無奈。。
唉。。。走火入魔了
突然發現能找到個彼此相愛的另一半真的很難，我算是幸運的那一個吧。。。
曾經想過要放棄的念頭也都消失了，想起當初的時刻，想起我們在一起的時刻，我們一起經歷了很多，眼眶泛紅。。。
謝謝你陪我經歷那麼多，包容我的任性，我的倔強的脾氣，我不認輸的性格，我不女性化，不溫柔的一面。。。
拯救我累了，脆弱的心。。。
我們在一起一年多了，曾經想過要放棄，但我都沒有，因為我知道我的心還是在你那邊。。。
若我不告訴你，你一定不會來這裡看我的post，對不？
哈哈。。。

走火入魔
阿信，丁當
阿信：对不起 刚才我 是不是听错
还是我 想太多 想到了昏头
丁当：天气 不错 开了窗 吹走脸红
阿信：进一步 退一步 都害怕打破
更不想 在原地 永远作朋友
丁当：给你 线索 也给我 勇敢藉口
下定决心 沉默
阿信：就让沉默 为我们追究
丁当：你和我
阿信：这一刻
丁当：无声的
阿信：耳语交流
合：却突然震耳欲聋
阿信：一字一句一瞬间 走了火
丁当：一天一点一转眼 入了魔
阿信：忘了我从什么时候
丁当：忘了你为什么能够让我
合：一步一步 走火入魔
丁当：和我
阿信：一直猜 一直想 一直的揣摩
一直到 你变成 甜蜜的心痛
丁当：如果 可以 把如果 变成结果
下定决心 执着
阿信：就让执着 为我们突破
丁当：我和你
阿信：的小说
丁当：这时候
阿信：出现烟火
合：让情节充满感动
阿信：一字一句一瞬间 走了火
丁当：一天一点一转眼 入了魔
阿信：忘了我从什么时候
丁当：忘了你为什么能够让我
合：一步一步 走火入魔
丁当：呼~
阿信：一字一句一瞬间 走了火
丁当：一天一点一转眼 入了魔
阿信：如果你有相同感受
丁当：感受到有种突

我也走火入魔了。。。

你連哄我都懶了。。。

你連哄都懶的哄我，對嗎？
這很難嗎？
短訊里我在發脾氣，你卻連個短訊也沒有。
我只是要求兩個人去看場電影，與大家唱K,這很難嗎？
我知道週末我得工作，所以我只想在假期時與你一起享受短暫的二人世界。
我們有多久沒去約會了？
我們沒一起去旅行過，我知道你不惜花旅行因為你覺得那是浪費錢。
我們能不能有一次約會是可以無需顧慮金錢的呢？
有時真的覺得你很小氣，我知道經濟不好，什麽都要省。
那麼難道你不能大方點嗎？
我一直在告訴自己，林欣雅，成熟點，don't be so materialistic.
but i don't think i'm materialistic.
有時你說你沒錢，那麼我就把一起出去的要求硬生生吞回肚子。
我們已經好像不是正常的情侶了。。。
看到你的時間越來越少，原以為你從shah alam回來之後，我們會有多點相處的時間，但結果呢？
你連約我出去都懶得問我了，當了你的女朋友之後，就是這樣的嗎？
我也是個女孩子，我也需要關心的。
你有多久沒與我談談心事了呢？
我外表堅強，但並不代表內心也是，你不知道嗎？

CHANGE

i met with jeya this afternoon, she is unique to me
and she is the most closely Indian friends i ever have in my 20-year life.

when we were in secondary,
we were sleeping in class together and fooled teachers that we were sick, skipped class together.
we did all the bad stuff together.
and now i only found out that we have been knowing each others for 7 years!!!
i hope our relations will last for another 7 years and more.

and for sure, the whole day we were chattering because long time didn't hang out together XD.
it seems like we were back to 7 years ago, always act in stupid and silly way.
she is studying political science now,
gets in touch with lots of foreign students from Middle East and Africans, clubbing with them till midnight.
but i know she is still the same.
Time doesn't change her, she is always innocent and sincere to friends in spite of their races and gender.

as barack obama presidential slogan : CHANGE
i notice what's around me change from time to time without i notice.
when i was browsed to my primary classmate's facebook, i only found that she is a model now.
when i saw her photos which are she postured her sexy and slender body, teased with different guys.
i was wondering is this the changes she wants?
is this kind of lifestyle she is pursuing for?
no doubt, there is no right or wrong.
however, is this the only way for you to raise your profile under the limelight?
is it worthy for you to flirt with guys, expose and posture your sexy body to exchange the vanity that you are dreamt for?

gloomy thursday

i lose my appetite today.
i was extremely hungry before i reached home,
but when i saw the dishes, i was totally lose my appetite.
this phenomena have been lasting for few days, am i getting anorexia soon?
haha, i ensure that this will not happen on me.
my body shape isn't as patients of anorexia.
today is moody, my dad said his salary will be cut off rm500.
rm 500 isn't a very big amount in public eyes, but it is enough to influence our monthly expenses.
this makes me pondering the same question back to two months ago.
should i continue my advanced in this period?
or stop thinking about further study?
no matter which decision i make, i can foresee i will lost something.
i'm not be able to work full-time and study full-time synchronously.
i'm not robot or superman.
i'm ordinary people as others.
there are lots of obstacles waiting for me to ponder and solve.
if jie is here, the situation might be easier to be solved.
never mind, i still have er jie, kian kian, dad, mom and shinkiat.
recently, i presage that my relationship between me and shinkiat will slowly fall apart.
it is not a good hunch, there is a gap slowly formed between us.
what i perceived as important might not same with him.
for instance, i always hope my boyfriend can be independent.
this thinking exist even before his existence in my life.
however, what you get is always opposite with what u wish for.
undeniably he treats me good.
but from finalcial aspects, he couldn't help me.
every parents is trying their best to contribute to their children.
his father is also same with my dad, get salary every month after lots of hard works.
i dare not and feel guilty to take his money.
definitely i can be ignorant, takes money from him whenever i do not have enough money, but that's not the principle i am strongly hold.
perhaps it's my destiny to earn money by my own.
in Chinese that's called : 沒那種命
well, back to the main point.
which one is a wise decision?
shinkiat didn't visit to my blog for a long time, otherwise i'm sure he will leave comments.
dear, do you know that i am worried??
i'm worried we can't go through this transition period.
i'm afraid the feeling of i do not need you anymore, i'm afraid i will forget you slowly.
you say i must tough and cry only in front of you.
but most of the time when i sad, i'm only can weeping alone and wiping my tears by my own.
you are always not beside me when i need you.
you couldn't immediately appear in my eyes simultaneously when i was sad.
when you are beside me, i'm no longer sad.
the time i'm free, that's the time you are not free.
this is not your fault, i have to be responsible too....

Heart-rending

visiting to hospital everyday has become a habit that i hope i can never ever do it from now on.

we're waiting miracle from say to day.
waiting for my sister to recover from illness,
waiting for the slightly positive changes on her health.
even it was such a great relieve when seeing herself able to move her hands to scratch her itchy face.
she moved her hand slowly and tried her best to scratch her face without seeking help from us.

mixed feelings raise up at the moment.
i'm happy and at the same time i'm grieved over it.
my sister shouldn't suffer because of this illness.

she is only 27-year-old, this is the moment to enjoy life.
thinking of this makes me sorrow again.
the readers of this blog might say: sadness helps nothing.
i know it, i know i shouldn't be pessimistic,
i should always think of the bright side.
if u were in my shoes, u will know that it is not that easy to not think about it.

sometimes i think how long my bro-in-law can wait?
one year? 2 years?
endless sigh when ponder about this.
when she is weeping, she is helpless,
what can we lend her a hand?
it is nothing we could help...
in front of crowded, i'm always cheerful, optimistic, tough.
sometimes it is just a mask, they do not see the vulnerable side ...

untitled~~

after been years with him,
i found out that how to maintain a relationship is far more difficult that decide to start a relationship.

as passion will decrease as time goes, how to be passion, avoid unnecessary quarrels are essential.

yesterday morning i "shouted" at him because he didn't wash his glass,
i do not think i was shouting at him (in fact i was just talking slightly louder).
but he thought i shouted to him.
thus he also get irritated.

on my way went to work, once again we argued again.
he wanted me to put on safety belt, but i don't want because the destination is very near.

now, we start our quarrel just because of small matter.
after the honeymoon period,that's what will happen.

if a couple cannot go through those obstacles, then finally it leads to break up.
how to maintain a good and sweet relationship is hard.
before i'm dating with him,
i would think if a couple cannot be together anymore then the best way is to break up.

but after I'm in the shoes, i think at least both parties should try their best to mend the breach between them.

he always says i'm not listening to what he said,
he wants his girl friend listen to him always.
i admit i have fault too, but sometimes i hope he also will not forget that i always have my principles.

i'm his girl friend now, but it doesn't mean i have to turn my personalities to suit all his needs.
thinking about such problems make me frustrated...