gloomy thursday

i lose my appetite today.
i was extremely hungry before i reached home,
but when i saw the dishes, i was totally lose my appetite.
this phenomena have been lasting for few days, am i getting anorexia soon?
haha, i ensure that this will not happen on me.
my body shape isn't as patients of anorexia.
today is moody, my dad said his salary will be cut off rm500.
rm 500 isn't a very big amount in public eyes, but it is enough to influence our monthly expenses.
this makes me pondering the same question back to two months ago.
should i continue my advanced in this period?
or stop thinking about further study?
no matter which decision i make, i can foresee i will lost something.
i'm not be able to work full-time and study full-time synchronously.
i'm not robot or superman.
i'm ordinary people as others.
there are lots of obstacles waiting for me to ponder and solve.
if jie is here, the situation might be easier to be solved.
never mind, i still have er jie, kian kian, dad, mom and shinkiat.
recently, i presage that my relationship between me and shinkiat will slowly fall apart.
it is not a good hunch, there is a gap slowly formed between us.
what i perceived as important might not same with him.
for instance, i always hope my boyfriend can be independent.
this thinking exist even before his existence in my life.
however, what you get is always opposite with what u wish for.
undeniably he treats me good.
but from finalcial aspects, he couldn't help me.
every parents is trying their best to contribute to their children.
his father is also same with my dad, get salary every month after lots of hard works.
i dare not and feel guilty to take his money.
definitely i can be ignorant, takes money from him whenever i do not have enough money, but that's not the principle i am strongly hold.
perhaps it's my destiny to earn money by my own.
in Chinese that's called : 沒那種命
well, back to the main point.
which one is a wise decision?
shinkiat didn't visit to my blog for a long time, otherwise i'm sure he will leave comments.
dear, do you know that i am worried??
i'm worried we can't go through this transition period.
i'm afraid the feeling of i do not need you anymore, i'm afraid i will forget you slowly.
you say i must tough and cry only in front of you.
but most of the time when i sad, i'm only can weeping alone and wiping my tears by my own.
you are always not beside me when i need you.
you couldn't immediately appear in my eyes simultaneously when i was sad.
when you are beside me, i'm no longer sad.
the time i'm free, that's the time you are not free.
this is not your fault, i have to be responsible too....