你連哄我都懶了。。。

你連哄都懶的哄我，對嗎？
這很難嗎？
短訊里我在發脾氣，你卻連個短訊也沒有。
我只是要求兩個人去看場電影，與大家唱K,這很難嗎？
我知道週末我得工作，所以我只想在假期時與你一起享受短暫的二人世界。
我們有多久沒去約會了？
我們沒一起去旅行過，我知道你不惜花旅行因為你覺得那是浪費錢。
我們能不能有一次約會是可以無需顧慮金錢的呢？
有時真的覺得你很小氣，我知道經濟不好，什麽都要省。
那麼難道你不能大方點嗎？
我一直在告訴自己，林欣雅，成熟點，don't be so materialistic.
but i don't think i'm materialistic.
有時你說你沒錢，那麼我就把一起出去的要求硬生生吞回肚子。
我們已經好像不是正常的情侶了。。。
看到你的時間越來越少，原以為你從shah alam回來之後，我們會有多點相處的時間，但結果呢？
你連約我出去都懶得問我了，當了你的女朋友之後，就是這樣的嗎？
我也是個女孩子，我也需要關心的。
你有多久沒與我談談心事了呢？
我外表堅強，但並不代表內心也是，你不知道嗎？

CHANGE

i met with jeya this afternoon, she is unique to me
and she is the most closely Indian friends i ever have in my 20-year life.

when we were in secondary,
we were sleeping in class together and fooled teachers that we were sick, skipped class together.
we did all the bad stuff together.
and now i only found out that we have been knowing each others for 7 years!!!
i hope our relations will last for another 7 years and more.

and for sure, the whole day we were chattering because long time didn't hang out together XD.
it seems like we were back to 7 years ago, always act in stupid and silly way.
she is studying political science now,
gets in touch with lots of foreign students from Middle East and Africans, clubbing with them till midnight.
but i know she is still the same.
Time doesn't change her, she is always innocent and sincere to friends in spite of their races and gender.

as barack obama presidential slogan : CHANGE
i notice what's around me change from time to time without i notice.
when i was browsed to my primary classmate's facebook, i only found that she is a model now.
when i saw her photos which are she postured her sexy and slender body, teased with different guys.
i was wondering is this the changes she wants?
is this kind of lifestyle she is pursuing for?
no doubt, there is no right or wrong.
however, is this the only way for you to raise your profile under the limelight?
is it worthy for you to flirt with guys, expose and posture your sexy body to exchange the vanity that you are dreamt for?

gloomy thursday

i lose my appetite today.
i was extremely hungry before i reached home,
but when i saw the dishes, i was totally lose my appetite.
this phenomena have been lasting for few days, am i getting anorexia soon?
haha, i ensure that this will not happen on me.
my body shape isn't as patients of anorexia.
today is moody, my dad said his salary will be cut off rm500.
rm 500 isn't a very big amount in public eyes, but it is enough to influence our monthly expenses.
this makes me pondering the same question back to two months ago.
should i continue my advanced in this period?
or stop thinking about further study?
no matter which decision i make, i can foresee i will lost something.
i'm not be able to work full-time and study full-time synchronously.
i'm not robot or superman.
i'm ordinary people as others.
there are lots of obstacles waiting for me to ponder and solve.
if jie is here, the situation might be easier to be solved.
never mind, i still have er jie, kian kian, dad, mom and shinkiat.
recently, i presage that my relationship between me and shinkiat will slowly fall apart.
it is not a good hunch, there is a gap slowly formed between us.
what i perceived as important might not same with him.
for instance, i always hope my boyfriend can be independent.
this thinking exist even before his existence in my life.
however, what you get is always opposite with what u wish for.
undeniably he treats me good.
but from finalcial aspects, he couldn't help me.
every parents is trying their best to contribute to their children.
his father is also same with my dad, get salary every month after lots of hard works.
i dare not and feel guilty to take his money.
definitely i can be ignorant, takes money from him whenever i do not have enough money, but that's not the principle i am strongly hold.
perhaps it's my destiny to earn money by my own.
in Chinese that's called : 沒那種命
well, back to the main point.
which one is a wise decision?
shinkiat didn't visit to my blog for a long time, otherwise i'm sure he will leave comments.
dear, do you know that i am worried??
i'm worried we can't go through this transition period.
i'm afraid the feeling of i do not need you anymore, i'm afraid i will forget you slowly.
you say i must tough and cry only in front of you.
but most of the time when i sad, i'm only can weeping alone and wiping my tears by my own.
you are always not beside me when i need you.
you couldn't immediately appear in my eyes simultaneously when i was sad.
when you are beside me, i'm no longer sad.
the time i'm free, that's the time you are not free.
this is not your fault, i have to be responsible too....

Heart-rending

visiting to hospital everyday has become a habit that i hope i can never ever do it from now on.

we're waiting miracle from say to day.
waiting for my sister to recover from illness,
waiting for the slightly positive changes on her health.
even it was such a great relieve when seeing herself able to move her hands to scratch her itchy face.
she moved her hand slowly and tried her best to scratch her face without seeking help from us.

mixed feelings raise up at the moment.
i'm happy and at the same time i'm grieved over it.
my sister shouldn't suffer because of this illness.

she is only 27-year-old, this is the moment to enjoy life.
thinking of this makes me sorrow again.
the readers of this blog might say: sadness helps nothing.
i know it, i know i shouldn't be pessimistic,
i should always think of the bright side.
if u were in my shoes, u will know that it is not that easy to not think about it.

sometimes i think how long my bro-in-law can wait?
one year? 2 years?
endless sigh when ponder about this.
when she is weeping, she is helpless,
what can we lend her a hand?
it is nothing we could help...
in front of crowded, i'm always cheerful, optimistic, tough.
sometimes it is just a mask, they do not see the vulnerable side ...

untitled~~

after been years with him,
i found out that how to maintain a relationship is far more difficult that decide to start a relationship.

as passion will decrease as time goes, how to be passion, avoid unnecessary quarrels are essential.

yesterday morning i "shouted" at him because he didn't wash his glass,
i do not think i was shouting at him (in fact i was just talking slightly louder).
but he thought i shouted to him.
thus he also get irritated.

on my way went to work, once again we argued again.
he wanted me to put on safety belt, but i don't want because the destination is very near.

now, we start our quarrel just because of small matter.
after the honeymoon period,that's what will happen.

if a couple cannot go through those obstacles, then finally it leads to break up.
how to maintain a good and sweet relationship is hard.
before i'm dating with him,
i would think if a couple cannot be together anymore then the best way is to break up.

but after I'm in the shoes, i think at least both parties should try their best to mend the breach between them.

he always says i'm not listening to what he said,
he wants his girl friend listen to him always.
i admit i have fault too, but sometimes i hope he also will not forget that i always have my principles.

i'm his girl friend now, but it doesn't mean i have to turn my personalities to suit all his needs.
thinking about such problems make me frustrated...