如果我变成回忆

听说这首歌是tank写给他已逝世的姐姐
这也让我想起了已经不在的姐姐
曾经我以为我们四姐妹会一直在一起，一直走下去。。。
还年少的我们都以为人生还很漫长，
岂料姐姐说走就走，留下了爱他的家人及丈夫。。。
人在拥有时往往不懂得珍惜，
当失去了，一切也来不及了。。。
有时在想当我自己也变成了回忆呢？
还会有人记得我吗？


累了 照惯例努力清醒着
也照惯例想你了
好怕一放心睡了
心跳在梦中 不听话的 就停止了
听着 呼吸像浪潮拍动着
越美丽越让我忐忑
我还能珍惜什么
如果我连自己的脉搏 都难掌握
如果我变成回忆 退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体 拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你 人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己 如此狠心
如果我变成回忆 终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发 蹒跚牵着你 看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以 让他陪你 我不怪你
快乐 什么时候会结束呢
哪一刻是最后一刻
想把你紧紧抱着
可知你是我生命中的 最舍不得
如果我变成回忆 退出了这场生命
留下你错愕哭泣
我冰冷身体 拥抱不了你
想到我让深爱的你 人海孤独旅行
我会恨自己 如此狠心
如果我变成回忆 终于没那么幸运
没机会白着头发 蹒跚牵着你 看晚霞落尽
漫长时光总有一天你会伤心痊愈
若有人可以 让他陪你
如果我变成回忆 最怕我太不争气
顽固的赖在空气 霸占你心里 每一寸缝隙
连累依然爱我的你 痛苦承受失去
这样不公平 请你尽力 把我忘记

Rest In Peace

it's just the beginning of 2010, and the front cove of newspaper was occupied with lots of grief news.
the occurrence of Haiti's earthquake followed by fatal dragon boat tragedy.
the magnitude 7.0 earthquake shook Port Au Prince, and approximately two hundred thousand were killed in this one-minute shock.
strong waves took six young lives from Chung Ling High SChool.
my chest is crushed by virtual stone after read the news...
life is fragile and yet so short...
hope them rest in peace.

a long hiatus

sorry for the long hiatus and now i found out I've abandoned my secret land for more than two months since i started my second semester.
this semester is considered as busy and hectic.
and i always use this excuse to put my blog behind...
moreover, i addicted to facebook.
so once i start my computer, the first thing i will do is harvesting my farm.
hahahaha....
days past, end of the year comes.
i recall my life in this year, some major things happened and i will never forget it.
my beloved sister leave us and she will be in my heart always.

can i?

if i wanna cry, can i cry on your shoulder?
the answer supposed to be definitely can, but i doubted...
when the time i really need you, you are always not by my side....
the fault is neither your nor mine.
it's the arrangement of the God.
i try to browse through the photos we had taken
when i felt my love towards you decrease from day by day,
but we only have little bit of sweet memory in these two years
the dream of traveling together with you, just merely with you is scarcely could be achieved.
i wish i could looking at starry sky at night together with you.
but now i think it only can accomplished in dream....

你还记得一年前
我们初次约会的那天
你靠在我左手的肩
问为什么月亮这么圆
我说是庆祝我和你见面
你说我的嘴怎么这么甜
可是现在的你
不再像从前
是什么让我们疏远
我发现你和我的距离开始越来越远
感觉不到
你还在身边
我只能活在期盼
回到过去的世界
坚持到最后一夜
曾经的一点一点
支离破碎的画面
是否和我一样想念
想念那每一个细节

here comes the end....

eventually my holiday will come to an end within four days.
in this two weeks rest (even i wasn't that tired after exam),
the things i constantly repeat everyday were online, eat, sleep.

oh... my god...
what a life is this?
but at least i've worked for few days,
it decreases my guiltiness of behaving in a depraved way.

wasting time

i have been struggling for one and half hour on whether change a new template for my blog.

at the end my blog remains the same because:

1. the layout of templates not suit my blog
2. i can't upload my favorite pics as header
3. i need to re-download all my gadget (the main reason)

here some of my selections within this one and half hour

the theme "night sky", suit my blog's name "endless sky"

i like this one XD, BEACH FOREVER!!!



simple but nice..


however, i think i'm wasting my "precious" one and half hour
that resulted nothing change of my blog...
XD

叛逆

我知道在你心里我是个不听话的女生
你叫我去东，我偏偏要去西
最后总爱把你气个半死，然后还把错赖在你身上
你总希望我能温柔点，体贴点
有空就记得多关心你，打电话给你，发封简讯给你
你每次这样说我，我都回你：哦哦哦
但我没一次是能做到你想要的
每一次我告诉自己对你说话的语调要轻点，要温柔点
可是最后不是被你的慢动作给惹毛了，不然就是自己忍不住
我。。。
你说有时再多的对不起也挽回不了已经造成的伤害，我都知道
你说我不关心你，所以有时我自己也很迷惑我真的那么糟吗？
刚才又和你吵了，你说我不明白你，我也说有时你也真的不明白我
我们是彼此都不了解彼此吗？
我不明白为何有时很简单的一件事，你就把它复杂化
明明就是你能办妥的事，还要牵涉我在内
有时你传一封简讯就够了，却偏偏还要我这个不是当事人帮你发那封简讯
所以每次自己都很懊恼
我急性子，你却爱慢吞吞
在一起快两年了，还是搞不懂就会因一些鸡毛蒜皮的事，而争得脸红脖子粗

15MALAYSIA

15Malaysia,
briefly about its intro, 15Malaysia is a short film project that consists 15 pieces of work by 15 local filmmakers.

we could find out some of the best-known faces in our country, including actors, musicians and political leaders.
and it's free for view.

just realized i haven't had a look on this website.
the first video i watched, METER.
starring by khairy jamaludin, UMNO youth chief.
in this short film, khairy is a taxi driver.
when asking his comment about local football industry,
he said FAM and local football players are like shit.
he loves his mother tongue, so as us.
but he hates other say english not important.
he said language is race's identity.
so everyone has to speak and know their own mother-tongue as well.
Malay should speak malay instead of english.
what's about party-hopping?
he said we should vote according to the performance of candidate,
if the people's representative hops to other party for the goodness of people,
then just go ahead.
his comment in this short film definitely are the voices from public.
if he does not play around with races issue,
then he might be a political leader that we are wishing for.

Download:

FLVMP43GP

always in memory

the day when you were gone, the sky was blue.
it's has been three days since you've leave.
i try to stop thinking about you once you appear in my mind.
i know this time you will never ever come back.
i wonder how you are in another world?
is the world free from sadness?
will you visit us always?
a circle without you is not a circle anymore....
a family without you is not a complete family...

a wave of anger!!!

for 13 years i have been studying,
i could vow that this semester is the most terrible moment for me! it's a nightmare!!!
damn it!!!
i can't even get a pass for crm coursework easily,
thanks for that bloody sucks guy,
i gotta learned a unforgettable lesson today.
zero contribution in assignments and now you put all the blame on technical part!!!
you can't even manage to print out and submit the assignment on time!!!
it was just a easy work, and you can't did it.
you are sucks!!!
i will never ever group with you again!!!
for crm, now the maximum marks i could get will be only 50marks!!
wtf!!!
from the minimum 50marks turned to maximum 50marks.
wow, lim cian yai, you are super duper brilliant to group with him!!!
this is the wisest decision you've made...
good things never happen since i grouped with them.
comm theories => referencing mistakes, maximum passing marks
crm => submitted one hour after deadline.
spanky, i wanna tell u,
advanced diploma is important for me,
u can stay till whenever you want,
even u can stay 10more years in TARC!!!
but i want to finish my study within two years, don't mess up my plan!!!
i tell you, i will curse and kill you 99 if my ptptn gone because of this!!!

perhaps i'm really disgusting

the mood goes to the downiest tip.
just now my sister scolded me again,
and i put the biggest effort to control myself from not arguing with her.
perhaps in her eyes, i'm really disgusting.
perhaps in her eyes, i'm irresponsible.
perhaps in her eyes, i'm not the one of this family.
perhaps, i shouldn't be here.
this is the second time i wish i could disappear from here without a trace.
disappear like a puff of smoke.
so she won't be pissed off with me anymore,
and perhaps i can be happier.
i always wish i won't burden anyone,
but eventually i'm the one who always make them unhappy.
i guess both of us tired of liaising with each other.
moments ago, she scolded me, i took a deep breath,
sobbing alone like a kid can't find her parents.
i feel disapproved because my mom also on behalf of her.
have they really cared my feelings?
i know everyone is depressed, so i stopped the argue by silence.
but when i'm not happy, getting pissed off with her,
who's going listen to me?
why don't she just said what she dissatisfies with me through a better manner?
why she keeps on saying me i do not care about this family?
why she needs a mediator to point out what are my mistakes without giving a valid reason?
why we are not like a family anymore?
why...
she is stressful, but me as well....
the mediator said i'm always back home late, short-sighted, irresponsible...
all these i can accept.
but when the mediator said i'm indecent and immature in thinking, i really want to cry...
what i've done that makes them feel so?
am i didn't behave well? am i create lot of problems for them?
personally, i always try to lessen their burden,
but eventually they never been satisfied with me...

remembrance to Yasmin Ahmad

Yasmin Ahmad, a renowned film director in malaysia's film and advertisement industry.
her pieces of art included: Sepet, Gubra, Mukhsin and numerous Petronas advertisements.
regrettably, she past away yesterday after a stroke,
she was 51-years-old.

she collapsed few days ago in a meeting at Sri Pentas and remained unconscious for the following days.
personally, i like the movie Sepet,
it's an award-winning movie about the love between a Chinese guy and a Malay girl.
it's the first local film that i be attracted to.
Yasmin Ahmad, she was a guy before.
she chose to be a woman in spite of dissuasion from Malay community.
even some Malays curse she goes to hell after died.
i hope she can rest in peace.
Cannes Film Festival award-winning advertisement - Tan Hong Ming

也許長痛不如短痛

once again, the god never let my family free from problems.

sigh..
few days ago, doctor informed us that there an tub obstruction inside my sister brain.
again, two choices.
first, do operation, temporary extend her life, she still will be lying on bed after operation.
second, don't do operation, opposite of the above, she still will be lying on bed after operation .
personally, i will choose the second.
majority of my family and my so called "brother-in-law" choose the second except my mom,
it doesn't mean we are cruel, cold-blooded.
we are sad and depressed seeing her suffered on bed for two years.
we ask ourselves, how longer we can maintain her life?
her life is as a sand glass, count downing how much the days she will beside us,
how many days we still can see her..
i know what my mom wants,
she just wants to extend my sister's life even only for one second.
but when there's no sign of hope, perhaps it's better for us to let her go.


姐，很慶倖能與你做了二十多年的姐妹。
姐，原諒我當時的任性，我的無知，
我希望你能有看到這裡的一天，
我期望能在於你繼續做二十年，三十年，四十年甚至永遠的姐妹。
若下輩子我們還能做姐妹，就讓我來照顧你吧



終於知道爲什麽這裡總是帶著淡淡的憂傷，那是因為這裡的主人並不快樂。。。
她。。。
只想要快樂。。。

depressed

comm. theories assignment is around the corner.
i spent a whole night to do crm, but rejected without by chan looked twice.
i skipped tana's class this morning, overslept. the result is i lost 20 marks of assignments.

chee hoe asked me why i absent, i shrugged my shoulder and said overslept, pretended as i didn't care the 20 marks.

but i heard there's a voice sneering at me: are you really don't care the 20 marks?? ahahaha... you are a loser...
i shook my head, there must be a delusion...

i mind the marks but not willing to admit it.

malaysia education system makes everyone bear in mind that marks is everything, i'm one of it...

sucks muhiyddin gambles the future of kids...

sigh...

seems i can't do well in anything...
advanced is far more difficult than i imagine, depressed depressed depressed.
no regret, no grumbling, do the best you can....
anymore other than this?
coincidentally found that rui ern also face the same problem these few days..
everyone is depressed, pressure from study, pressure from work, pressure from family...
i wish i could disappear without a trace....

the briefest post

i want to write something about the concept of One Malaysia by our Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak, but wait till i'm free first as now is 2 o'clock in the morning...



this post was updated 06 Oct 2010, 2.28 AM
at the end i did not express my view towards his 1Malaysia policy since the blogger was so lazy =p

bora bora island

new blog header image : bora bora island from tahiti, french.
it's a paradise!!!

a busy day

i woke up 8.30 am, it is considered early in the morning as my class starts on 11am.
i accompanied my mom went to wet market and then to college.
frankly, after practical i thought eventually i can back home rest, yahooo!!!
but, things always opposite with what you wish for.
as planning earlier, i would go shooting with tabby at Mid Valley Exhibition Center to cover Pet World exhibition.
however, tabby sent me a messages that she was fever, and ask me whether we can make it tomorrow instead.
i thought there would be only two of us go to cover the news, thus i replied Sunday is fine, take a good rest.
after the class, only i realized janet and siew lai would join also.
they didn't inform us.
that's why i said we have communication problem =.=
we took nearly two hours to cover the exhibition, and i learned some techniques about shooting e.g: white balance, panning and etc.
but regrettably my handphone is condemned, can't capture any pictures.
otherwise, pics of this post will be two huge San Bernards and Huskies.
wow, the San Bernards are almost same as my height, amazing!!!
after covered about the exhibition, we had our lunch at restaurant Yoshinova, a japanese restaurant that renowned with its beef rice.
definitely, i'm not going to order that set of meal.
i ordered a vege bowl and one miso soup, it costs me almost 10 bucks.
while janet and siew lai them only average seven bucks for a set of meal that included rice, soup, boiled egg and seven up.
my meal was comparatively expensive o.0, it's unfair...
vege costs more than beef???
and i really need to admit that both of them are energetic, after had lunch went shopping, hanging around till 8pm.
that's why in the end, i only managed back to wangsa maju at 9pm.
waiting in 191 for another half an hour, my eyes lid only can be opened for 5mm, almost fall asleep along the way back to genting kelang.
no doubt, metrobus has a "satisfied" efficiency.
perhaps 90% out of 100% tarcian that stay at setapak area agree with the above statement.
lastly, i was bad luck.
a ruthless driver bumped into my dad's wira in the way back from visiting sister.
and i'm the useless driver.
sigh...

a 15-minute post

i try to type this post within 10minutes,
but i know i couldn't do it as i have tonne of rubbish to be thrown after one week didn't update my blog.

firstly, i think i'm facing communication gap with broadcast student.
we are in different world in spite of us having the same target.
i think we shall be communicate quite well as both study about mass communication.
however, perhaps i only can handle mass communication
(which means communicate with a large group of people) rather than interpersonal communication.
i hope the assignment cooperate with broadcast's students will finish as soon as possible
maybe i'm over sensitive, i sense ivy doesn't like me and tabby.
she seems like prejudice towards us.
janet, siew lai them are quite friendly.

secondly, all the best to ah wing.
he is going to new zealand soon.

thirdly, within one week, i quarreled with shin kiat for a few times.
we are having bad mood recently.

fourthly, the pressure of assignments are getting heavier.

fifthly, few days didn't visit sister, god bless her recover soon...

lastly, i'm getting lazier, satwant must be slightly disappointed in my performance.
sorry sir, i will not skip class anymore.

i finished this post within 15 minutes.
and finally i realised why i'm not welcomed by guys.
haha...

fierce, boyish, strong...
i wonder if i could pretend to be more lovely, will the consequences change??

special day to all fathers

21th of june was 2009 annual father's day, but family celebrated earlier, my sister was going to join a short trip to redang after dinner on saturday.

damn jealous her, I WANT GO TO BEACH!!!! my heart have been thirsting for years, but still couldn't get a chance. IT'S UNFAIR!!!
let's talk about where we're having dinner.
estimated 20mins journey from the heart of kuala lumpur, we reached kepong.
the restaurant hides in industrial park, named Camp Forest. the entrance is not obvious if you do not pay attention to the surrounding.
here's the snapshot of the shop: photo quality is bad, handphone camera only 2MPsurrounding of shop: it's nice, give it a thumb up!!!

i forgot to take the photo of those scrumptious dishes for instance sweet sour prawn, organic spinach soup, fried organic lettuce, "dong po rou" (don't know how to translate =.=, but it's quite famous since the early dynasty of china).

and for sure all are vegetarian.
when i realized that i should take some photos in order to promote the nice restaurant, blank plates were ready for me XD.
here are some pictures of my lovely and dearly family members:

she pretended as she is jay chou, beh tahan =.=he is cool, lol

my happy moment

the last day of milo fuze project, thanks to kar mun, kai xuan, kelly them that helped me a lot...
they are nice and funny, dude...
hope to see them soon because temporary i would not work with demo power.
saturday have to attend broadcast production class, that's why i have to give up.
the journey is getting harder, AJR students are facing overloaded assignments this semester.
how to communicate with broadcast students? how to produce a news segment?
the broadcast writing assignment makes me worried the most.
i'm facing the same problem with chee hoe, both of us were wandering at junction for quite a long time, however it's our decision to continue it.
perseverance is the key of success either.
job was done, outing with family at pizza hut as a reward.
as usual,two regular veggie lover and picked up all the onion before enjoy the pizza.
lol... onion is prohibited.wearing skirt, but always act rudemilo fuze booth outlook

my sister

looks like never been eating pizza XD