the day when you were gone, the sky was blue. it's has been three days since you've leave. i try to stop thinking about you once you appear in my mind. i know this time you will never ever come back. i wonder how you are in another world? is the world free from sadness? will you visit us always? a circle without you is not a circle anymore.... a family without you is not a complete family...
once again, the god never let my family free from problems.
sigh.. few days ago, doctor informed us that there an tub obstruction inside my sister brain. again, two choices. first, do operation, temporary extend her life, she still will be lying on bed after operation. second, don't do operation, opposite of the above, she still will be lying on bed after operation . personally, i will choose the second. majority of my family and my so called "brother-in-law" choose the second except my mom, it doesn't mean we are cruel, cold-blooded. we are sad and depressed seeing her suffered on bed for two years. we ask ourselves, how longer we can maintain her life? her life is as a sand glass, count downing how much the days she will beside us, how many days we still can see her.. i know what my mom wants, she just wants to extend my sister's life even only for one second. but when there's no sign of hope, perhaps it's better for us to let her go.
21th of june was 2009 annual father's day, but family celebrated earlier, my sister was going to join a short trip to redang after dinner on saturday.
damn jealous her, I WANT GO TO BEACH!!!! my heart have been thirsting for years, but still couldn't get a chance. IT'S UNFAIR!!! let's talk about where we're having dinner. estimated 20mins journey from the heart of kuala lumpur, we reached kepong. the restaurant hides in industrial park, named Camp Forest. the entrance is not obvious if you do not pay attention to the surrounding. here's the snapshot of the shop: photo quality is bad, handphone camera only 2MPsurrounding of shop: it's nice, give it a thumb up!!!
i forgot to take the photo of those scrumptious dishes for instance sweet sour prawn, organic spinach soup, fried organic lettuce, "dong po rou" (don't know how to translate =.=, but it's quite famous since the early dynasty of china).
and for sure all are vegetarian. when i realized that i should take some photos in order to promote the nice restaurant, blank plates were ready for me XD. here are some pictures of my lovely and dearly family members:
she pretended as she is jay chou, beh tahan =.=he is cool, lol
the last day of milo fuze project, thanks to kar mun, kai xuan, kelly them that helped me a lot... they are nice and funny, dude... hope to see them soon because temporary i would not work with demo power. saturday have to attend broadcast production class, that's why i have to give up. the journey is getting harder, AJR students are facing overloaded assignments this semester. how to communicate with broadcast students? how to produce a news segment? the broadcast writing assignment makes me worried the most. i'm facing the same problem with chee hoe, both of us were wandering at junction for quite a long time, however it's our decision to continue it. perseverance is the key of success either. job was done, outing with family at pizza hut as a reward. as usual,two regular veggie lover and picked up all the onion before enjoy the pizza. lol... onion is prohibited.wearing skirt, but always act rudemilo fuze booth outlook
my sister
looks like never been eating pizza XD
03 June, 2009
my sister has been discharged from hospital and now stay in Medicare center nearby bukit bintang yesterday. the reason why doctor approved my sister to be discharged was not due to she recovers from illness. it's because there is no sign of development of her illness, thus it's better to let my sister discharged rather than stay at hospital for ages. the amenities of medicare center isn't good enough. the bed cannot be adjusted, not enough manpower to take care of so many patients. moreover,there was no nurse check my sister frequently. my mom worried how they will treat my sis and if something happen to my sis... is my sister can get good care? it's pathetic when think about it. the medicare center charges rm1400 per month. i couldn't figure out how a big sum of money my brother-in-law has spent in these two years... god bless my sis... i browse our photos, our face are full with happiness. i miss the moment we celebrate father's and mother's day together. no one was absent before... sometimes i will avoid looking on these pics, but i can't help missing my sister. it's as if my sister was beside us, nothing happened before. once i see it, tears uncontrollably fall down my cheek...
visiting to hospital everyday has become a habit that i hope i can never ever do it from now on. we're waiting miracle from say to day. waiting for my sister to recover from illness, waiting for the slightly positive changes on her health. even it was such a great relieve when seeing herself able to move her hands to scratch her itchy face. she moved her hand slowly and tried her best to scratch her face without seeking help from us. mixed feelings raise up at the moment. i'm happy and at the same time i'm grieved over it. my sister shouldn't suffer because of this illness. she is only 27-year-old, this is the moment to enjoy life. thinking of this makes me sorrow again. the readers of this blog might say: sadness helps nothing. i know it, i know i shouldn't be pessimistic, i should always think of the bright side. if u were in my shoes, u will know that it is not that easy to not think about it. sometimes i think how long my bro-in-law can wait? one year? 2 years? endless sigh when ponder about this. when she is weeping, she is helpless, what can we lend her a hand? it is nothing we could help... in front of crowded, i'm always cheerful, optimistic, tough. sometimes it is just a mask, they do not see the vulnerable side ...
8 October 2007, it is an unforgettable day in my life.
The tragic change that happened to my family will etch in my memory forever.
Even this miserable incident has been happened approximately after two years; my tears still would slide down my cheek uncontrollably once I recall my memories regarding this.
The wound is still remaining in the deep bottom of everyone’s heart, never been scab before.
My beloved eldest sister was found fainted in washroom and sent to hospital instantaneously that day.
She was remained unconscious after being sent to hospital.
The doctor said my sister was in a chronic condition. Her brain pressure was the double of normal people and operation must be executed without delay to secure her life.
All of these happened in a sudden.
I still remember no matter how we call her name, shriek to her, begged her not to leave us, she was no response at all.
The percentage of succeed was only 20% for this risky operation.
The most saddened is doctor asked us to say whatever we would like to tell her as this might be the last chance we could ever saw her. All of us wept together after heard about this.
I still remember she told us she was going to marry in the end of year joyfully before the incident happened.
How happy we were when we heard about this.
Wow, finally my sister would get married soon!
She sent me to college that morning and she was lying on bed and we might separate with each other eternally.
How could we accept this tragic change?
It must be a long and dreadful nightmare for us.
The whole family was sleepless that night.
After the operation she was comma and staying at ICU.
After a scrupulous medical checkup, specialist found that there was an approximately 1cm tumor in her right brain. I never been expected that such scenario that generally can be found on drama truly happened to me. I hope it is benign tumor.
The doctor said it is a miracle if she can wake up. Everyday we brought our hope to hospital and back with despair. Once we saw the scene of her body filled with syringes and relied on respiratory apparatus to sustain her life, heart broken again and again. After one week, perhaps the God listened to our invocation, miracle does happen to us!!! Its must be the benediction from the God!! Without disappointing us, my sister did it. I know she also didn’t want to leave us. Without her, we are no longer a complete family.
After that, she also went through few risky major operations. And she managed to go through one after another obstacle. Because of those operations, she lost all her hair and became bald. I know she liked her long hair so much. I know she was suffering, but I can’t do anything. What I can do was only accompanied her always, gave her our support to help her gone through these obstacles.
She discharged from hospital after one month and the wedding held as planned.
It was much gratified us that her boyfriend still insisting to held wedding ceremony with her.
With our heartfelt blessing, all of us wish she would live happily ever after this adverse incident.
We saw her recovered progressively; we face all the obstacles in the way of recovery together with her and saw her hair grew gradually.
We were so relieved to see that progress of her health.
However, good day would not long-lasting.
The same thing happened on her again after 4 months of her marriage.
She complained that she was suffering from difficulties of breathing those few days.
After being sent to hospital and undergone a scrupulous medical checkup, the tumor in her brain has turned from benign tumor to malignant.
That means she is diagnosed with brain cancer and it is final phase.
Worst still, it is final phase brain cancer!!!
What should we do?
Doctor explained to us that even she is so lucky and able to recover from illness, she couldn’t be as normal as before as part of her brain is damaged.
Perhaps she would become paralyzed, blind.
That means anything could be happened to her.
Our hearts scattered all over again.
Once again, we experienced the heart broken feeling.
Our feelings cannot be depicted by using a few words.
We have live together with each together for 20 years, and now the God said he will come and bring my sister away from us.
The feeling is like someone tore our heart into hundred pieces.
In fact, there is no known cause of brain cancer.
Extensive research has been conducted to pinpoint a cause to help prevent the cancer from occurring.
Although there has not been very much conclusive evidence leading to an exact cause of brain cancer, the one thing that doctors do know is that brain cancer is not contagious and it does not occur due to head injury.
Genetic factors, various environmental toxins, radiation, and cigarette smoking have all been linked to cancers of the brain. Some internal factors such as too much pressure might also lead to this disease.
It can be happened to anyone on any ages.
Fate is cruel.
Fatefully, the God has chosen my sister to become one of them.
She kept on feeling nausea and complaining headache before.
For a few time, she said she was drowsy.
We didn’t know that are the symptoms of this chronic disease.
I hate the God. Despite it is a perilous journey for all of us especially my sister, but life still has to continue.
We cannot sad anymore, otherwise how we’re going to take care of my sister?
She is my role model in doing everything.
She is tough, independence and strong.
After she graduated from secondary school, she gave up her dream of further study for the sake of family.
Without her sacrifice, I will not be able to sit at here and study my diploma.
Every month, she contributed approximately 60% of her salary to this family without any grumble.
She bears all the financial pressure, working pressure. She never tells us about what difficulties she is facing.
I know she doesn’t want to burden us and make us worried.
I do not know whether all these pressures are part of the factors that lead to this illness, but still I would blame myself of not sharing her pressure together and let her faced all the stress alone.
Now I just realized I was so ignorant, egocentric and never been thinking about how stress is my sister.
Perhaps, I should be responsible of this incident as well.
After discussed, we decided to let her gone through radiation therapy at least still have the hope to recover.
Otherwise, she will leave us forever in a short period of time.
She had gone through 25 times of radiation therapy.
Moreover, the cancerous cells might not be eliminated so easily.
We saw her become emaciated.
It seems like the effort we poured before were in vain.
The consequence is still the same.
We place a great deal of faith in my sister.
Even only heaven knows when she can discharge.
We know my sister will definitely recover.
I still believe on her.
My sister is staying at hospital for years, but we could see that her condition is much better than before.
Perhaps, many miracles do happen to my sister, that’s why she is able to undergo one and another fateful journey.
Through this incident, I learn that we shall appreciate what we possess.
Only heaven knows when our beloved will leave us. I will not blame the God anymore.
I learn to accept the arrangement of God if such circumstances happen again.
I didn’t care about others feeling before.
After this, I know me couldn’t endure with the feeling of suddenly losing either one of my family members or friends again. Thus what I can do is to accompany them more when everything isn’t too late.
that's what i wrote for my creative writing assignment. it's not a make up story, it's my exertion, my encounter. what i gone through might happen to many people around me, but human beings is a kind of odd creatures. we only mourn over it after we lost it. i had been wayward, ignorant. i wish the same scene will not happen to others anymore. let take my experience as a lessson. don't lament only when we lost the precious one.
God decides the time we leave the world. i believe that everyone is equally in the eyes of death. No matter you are poor or rich, you bring nothing except your soul and merit when you left the world. and i believe the existence of hell and heaven. i don't know why i type all these. that's a lot of unhappiness, but sometimes it's hard to say it out. so i rather choose to type it. that was quite a number of things happened to my family recently. i am truly hope things could be never happened before but it's impossible. as it's impossible, thus we have to accept. we can't escape from the reality. i keep on telling myself unhappiness will disappear and life will be joyous again. 我被压得块头不过气了，就连与你讲电话时眼泪也会不自禁的流下。 我真的不想这样。。。 我只能看着姐姐虚弱地躺在床上，然而我却不能帮她做点什么。 我好怕真的好怕她就这样走了，我们再也看不到她。 我知道我应该要坚强要有信心，可是有时候我真的不想假装没事因为我的心真的很痛。 就让我再这一刻懦弱一下，好吗？ 姐，答应我们。 为了我们，为了姐夫，为了你自己，你一定要好起来。。。
