i try to type this post within 10minutes, but i know i couldn't do it as i have tonne of rubbish to be thrown after one week didn't update my blog.
firstly, i think i'm facing communication gap with broadcast student. we are in different world in spite of us having the same target. i think we shall be communicate quite well as both study about mass communication. however, perhaps i only can handle mass communication (which means communicate with a large group of people) rather than interpersonal communication. i hope the assignment cooperate with broadcast's students will finish as soon as possible maybe i'm over sensitive, i sense ivy doesn't like me and tabby. she seems like prejudice towards us. janet, siew lai them are quite friendly.
secondly, all the best to ah wing. he is going to new zealand soon.
thirdly, within one week, i quarreled with shin kiat for a few times. we are having bad mood recently.
fourthly, the pressure of assignments are getting heavier.
fifthly, few days didn't visit sister, god bless her recover soon...
lastly, i'm getting lazier, satwant must be slightly disappointed in my performance. sorry sir, i will not skip class anymore.
i finished this post within 15 minutes. and finally i realised why i'm not welcomed by guys. haha...
fierce, boyish, strong... i wonder if i could pretend to be more lovely, will the consequences change??
21th of june was 2009 annual father's day, but family celebrated earlier, my sister was going to join a short trip to redang after dinner on saturday.
damn jealous her, I WANT GO TO BEACH!!!! my heart have been thirsting for years, but still couldn't get a chance. IT'S UNFAIR!!! let's talk about where we're having dinner. estimated 20mins journey from the heart of kuala lumpur, we reached kepong. the restaurant hides in industrial park, named Camp Forest. the entrance is not obvious if you do not pay attention to the surrounding. here's the snapshot of the shop: photo quality is bad, handphone camera only 2MPsurrounding of shop: it's nice, give it a thumb up!!!
i forgot to take the photo of those scrumptious dishes for instance sweet sour prawn, organic spinach soup, fried organic lettuce, "dong po rou" (don't know how to translate =.=, but it's quite famous since the early dynasty of china).
and for sure all are vegetarian. when i realized that i should take some photos in order to promote the nice restaurant, blank plates were ready for me XD. here are some pictures of my lovely and dearly family members:
she pretended as she is jay chou, beh tahan =.=he is cool, lol
the last day of milo fuze project, thanks to kar mun, kai xuan, kelly them that helped me a lot... they are nice and funny, dude... hope to see them soon because temporary i would not work with demo power. saturday have to attend broadcast production class, that's why i have to give up. the journey is getting harder, AJR students are facing overloaded assignments this semester. how to communicate with broadcast students? how to produce a news segment? the broadcast writing assignment makes me worried the most. i'm facing the same problem with chee hoe, both of us were wandering at junction for quite a long time, however it's our decision to continue it. perseverance is the key of success either. job was done, outing with family at pizza hut as a reward. as usual,two regular veggie lover and picked up all the onion before enjoy the pizza. lol... onion is prohibited.wearing skirt, but always act rudemilo fuze booth outlook
a moment ago, i argued with a "doctor". sure u will ask, y i argued with the "doctor"? firstly, i put apostrophe marks on the word because he is not eligible for me to address him as doctor. just now, i accompanied my mom to clinic as she is suffering from fever for few days. 2 days ago, she went before but the "doctor" didn't prescribe fever medicine for my mom. thus, when in the consultation session with the "doctor", i was asking about why there was no fever medicine prescribed? he said: you better go to IPR now. i'm only follow the medicine last time. and then the "doctor" said the fever is not important. and i do not fathom about this statement, so i asked further. and the "doctor" suddenly get irritated and scold me : what's ur occupation?" i answered: i'm student. and then he said : you are only a student, i'm doctor. i got a "medical degree". don't laugh at me. i know more than you, the way u talk is rude, what the hell? when i laugh at you? the way i talk is rude? the "doctor" is over-sensitive. i'm just asking why fever and why there was no fever medine was prescribed. i'm consumer, and now i cannot ask any question. right? i know he does not have the capability to cure fever, and afraid my question will reveal his stupidity in front of staff. that's why he scolded me before i ask further question. if he is really capable, he won't be clinic now, isn't it? i've never doubt about his professionalism when i stepped in the clinic, but now i'm totally changed my mind. i know he gets a medical degree, and get a PhD, that's why he is Permanent head Damage now. firstly, the "doctor" do not possess etiquette secondly, cannot doubt about the medicine prescribe by "doctor" thirdly, there is no consumers' right in malaysia. and the clinic i went is Klinik dan Surgeri Setapak. it is located at Genting Kelang. the so called "doctor" is an indian, slightly plumpy with little beard.
03 June, 2009
my sister has been discharged from hospital and now stay in Medicare center nearby bukit bintang yesterday. the reason why doctor approved my sister to be discharged was not due to she recovers from illness. it's because there is no sign of development of her illness, thus it's better to let my sister discharged rather than stay at hospital for ages. the amenities of medicare center isn't good enough. the bed cannot be adjusted, not enough manpower to take care of so many patients. moreover,there was no nurse check my sister frequently. my mom worried how they will treat my sis and if something happen to my sis... is my sister can get good care? it's pathetic when think about it. the medicare center charges rm1400 per month. i couldn't figure out how a big sum of money my brother-in-law has spent in these two years... god bless my sis... i browse our photos, our face are full with happiness. i miss the moment we celebrate father's and mother's day together. no one was absent before... sometimes i will avoid looking on these pics, but i can't help missing my sister. it's as if my sister was beside us, nothing happened before. once i see it, tears uncontrollably fall down my cheek...
if u visit to my blog, u will found that it's in two languages either english or chinese. when i am lazy, den i will type in english language. if i'm hardworking enough, then definitely my post will be in chinese. the first day of june 2009, i start my advanced diploma in journalism. it's just the main course of journalism and it's just 10 students. i expect it. there are 3 writing papers in this semester, broadcast, online and business. the business writing paper makes me frustrated, the first lecture was just introduction about jargon that will be used in writing. what is elasticity in business writing? moreover, we need memorize formula. what the hell... the maggi goreng i had eaten 2 hours ago was fully digested after business writing class. now i found out that my digestive system really works well... lol...
i met with jeya this afternoon, she is unique to me and she is the most closely Indian friends i ever have in my 20-year life.
when we were in secondary, we were sleeping in class together and fooled teachers that we were sick, skipped class together. we did all the bad stuff together. and now i only found out that we have been knowing each others for 7 years!!! i hope our relations will last for another 7 years and more.
and for sure, the whole day we were chattering because long time didn't hang out together XD. it seems like we were back to 7 years ago, always act in stupid and silly way. she is studying political science now, gets in touch with lots of foreign students from Middle East and Africans, clubbing with them till midnight. but i know she is still the same. Time doesn't change her, she is always innocent and sincere to friends in spite of their races and gender.
as barack obama presidential slogan : CHANGE i notice what's around me change from time to time without i notice. when i was browsed to my primary classmate's facebook, i only found that she is a model now. when i saw her photos which are she postured her sexy and slender body, teased with different guys. i was wondering is this the changes she wants? is this kind of lifestyle she is pursuing for? no doubt, there is no right or wrong. however, is this the only way for you to raise your profile under the limelight? is it worthy for you to flirt with guys, expose and posture your sexy body to exchange the vanity that you are dreamt for?
i lose my appetite today. i was extremely hungry before i reached home, but when i saw the dishes, i was totally lose my appetite. this phenomena have been lasting for few days, am i getting anorexia soon? haha, i ensure that this will not happen on me. my body shape isn't as patients of anorexia. today is moody, my dad said his salary will be cut off rm500. rm 500 isn't a very big amount in public eyes, but it is enough to influence our monthly expenses. this makes me pondering the same question back to two months ago. should i continue my advanced in this period? or stop thinking about further study? no matter which decision i make, i can foresee i will lost something. i'm not be able to work full-time and study full-time synchronously. i'm not robot or superman. i'm ordinary people as others. there are lots of obstacles waiting for me to ponder and solve. if jie is here, the situation might be easier to be solved. never mind, i still have er jie, kian kian, dad, mom and shinkiat. recently, i presage that my relationship between me and shinkiat will slowly fall apart. it is not a good hunch, there is a gap slowly formed between us. what i perceived as important might not same with him. for instance, i always hope my boyfriend can be independent. this thinking exist even before his existence in my life. however, what you get is always opposite with what u wish for. undeniably he treats me good. but from finalcial aspects, he couldn't help me. every parents is trying their best to contribute to their children. his father is also same with my dad, get salary every month after lots of hard works. i dare not and feel guilty to take his money. definitely i can be ignorant, takes money from him whenever i do not have enough money, but that's not the principle i am strongly hold. perhaps it's my destiny to earn money by my own. in Chinese that's called : 沒那種命 well, back to the main point. which one is a wise decision? shinkiat didn't visit to my blog for a long time, otherwise i'm sure he will leave comments. dear, do you know that i am worried?? i'm worried we can't go through this transition period. i'm afraid the feeling of i do not need you anymore, i'm afraid i will forget you slowly. you say i must tough and cry only in front of you. but most of the time when i sad, i'm only can weeping alone and wiping my tears by my own. you are always not beside me when i need you. you couldn't immediately appear in my eyes simultaneously when i was sad. when you are beside me, i'm no longer sad. the time i'm free, that's the time you are not free. this is not your fault, i have to be responsible too....
visiting to hospital everyday has become a habit that i hope i can never ever do it from now on. we're waiting miracle from say to day. waiting for my sister to recover from illness, waiting for the slightly positive changes on her health. even it was such a great relieve when seeing herself able to move her hands to scratch her itchy face. she moved her hand slowly and tried her best to scratch her face without seeking help from us. mixed feelings raise up at the moment. i'm happy and at the same time i'm grieved over it. my sister shouldn't suffer because of this illness. she is only 27-year-old, this is the moment to enjoy life. thinking of this makes me sorrow again. the readers of this blog might say: sadness helps nothing. i know it, i know i shouldn't be pessimistic, i should always think of the bright side. if u were in my shoes, u will know that it is not that easy to not think about it. sometimes i think how long my bro-in-law can wait? one year? 2 years? endless sigh when ponder about this. when she is weeping, she is helpless, what can we lend her a hand? it is nothing we could help... in front of crowded, i'm always cheerful, optimistic, tough. sometimes it is just a mask, they do not see the vulnerable side ...
after been years with him, i found out that how to maintain a relationship is far more difficult that decide to start a relationship. as passion will decrease as time goes, how to be passion, avoid unnecessary quarrels are essential. yesterday morning i "shouted" at him because he didn't wash his glass, i do not think i was shouting at him (in fact i was just talking slightly louder). but he thought i shouted to him. thus he also get irritated. on my way went to work, once again we argued again. he wanted me to put on safety belt, but i don't want because the destination is very near. now, we start our quarrel just because of small matter. after the honeymoon period,that's what will happen. if a couple cannot go through those obstacles, then finally it leads to break up. how to maintain a good and sweet relationship is hard. before i'm dating with him, i would think if a couple cannot be together anymore then the best way is to break up. but after I'm in the shoes, i think at least both parties should try their best to mend the breach between them. he always says i'm not listening to what he said, he wants his girl friend listen to him always. i admit i have fault too, but sometimes i hope he also will not forget that i always have my principles. i'm his girl friend now, but it doesn't mean i have to turn my personalities to suit all his needs. thinking about such problems make me frustrated...
8 October 2007, it is an unforgettable day in my life.
The tragic change that happened to my family will etch in my memory forever.
Even this miserable incident has been happened approximately after two years; my tears still would slide down my cheek uncontrollably once I recall my memories regarding this.
The wound is still remaining in the deep bottom of everyone’s heart, never been scab before.
My beloved eldest sister was found fainted in washroom and sent to hospital instantaneously that day.
She was remained unconscious after being sent to hospital.
The doctor said my sister was in a chronic condition. Her brain pressure was the double of normal people and operation must be executed without delay to secure her life.
All of these happened in a sudden.
I still remember no matter how we call her name, shriek to her, begged her not to leave us, she was no response at all.
The percentage of succeed was only 20% for this risky operation.
The most saddened is doctor asked us to say whatever we would like to tell her as this might be the last chance we could ever saw her. All of us wept together after heard about this.
I still remember she told us she was going to marry in the end of year joyfully before the incident happened.
How happy we were when we heard about this.
Wow, finally my sister would get married soon!
She sent me to college that morning and she was lying on bed and we might separate with each other eternally.
How could we accept this tragic change?
It must be a long and dreadful nightmare for us.
The whole family was sleepless that night.
After the operation she was comma and staying at ICU.
After a scrupulous medical checkup, specialist found that there was an approximately 1cm tumor in her right brain. I never been expected that such scenario that generally can be found on drama truly happened to me. I hope it is benign tumor.
The doctor said it is a miracle if she can wake up. Everyday we brought our hope to hospital and back with despair. Once we saw the scene of her body filled with syringes and relied on respiratory apparatus to sustain her life, heart broken again and again. After one week, perhaps the God listened to our invocation, miracle does happen to us!!! Its must be the benediction from the God!! Without disappointing us, my sister did it. I know she also didn’t want to leave us. Without her, we are no longer a complete family.
After that, she also went through few risky major operations. And she managed to go through one after another obstacle. Because of those operations, she lost all her hair and became bald. I know she liked her long hair so much. I know she was suffering, but I can’t do anything. What I can do was only accompanied her always, gave her our support to help her gone through these obstacles.
She discharged from hospital after one month and the wedding held as planned.
It was much gratified us that her boyfriend still insisting to held wedding ceremony with her.
With our heartfelt blessing, all of us wish she would live happily ever after this adverse incident.
We saw her recovered progressively; we face all the obstacles in the way of recovery together with her and saw her hair grew gradually.
We were so relieved to see that progress of her health.
However, good day would not long-lasting.
The same thing happened on her again after 4 months of her marriage.
She complained that she was suffering from difficulties of breathing those few days.
After being sent to hospital and undergone a scrupulous medical checkup, the tumor in her brain has turned from benign tumor to malignant.
That means she is diagnosed with brain cancer and it is final phase.
Worst still, it is final phase brain cancer!!!
What should we do?
Doctor explained to us that even she is so lucky and able to recover from illness, she couldn’t be as normal as before as part of her brain is damaged.
Perhaps she would become paralyzed, blind.
That means anything could be happened to her.
Our hearts scattered all over again.
Once again, we experienced the heart broken feeling.
Our feelings cannot be depicted by using a few words.
We have live together with each together for 20 years, and now the God said he will come and bring my sister away from us.
The feeling is like someone tore our heart into hundred pieces.
In fact, there is no known cause of brain cancer.
Extensive research has been conducted to pinpoint a cause to help prevent the cancer from occurring.
Although there has not been very much conclusive evidence leading to an exact cause of brain cancer, the one thing that doctors do know is that brain cancer is not contagious and it does not occur due to head injury.
Genetic factors, various environmental toxins, radiation, and cigarette smoking have all been linked to cancers of the brain. Some internal factors such as too much pressure might also lead to this disease.
It can be happened to anyone on any ages.
Fate is cruel.
Fatefully, the God has chosen my sister to become one of them.
She kept on feeling nausea and complaining headache before.
For a few time, she said she was drowsy.
We didn’t know that are the symptoms of this chronic disease.
I hate the God. Despite it is a perilous journey for all of us especially my sister, but life still has to continue.
We cannot sad anymore, otherwise how we’re going to take care of my sister?
She is my role model in doing everything.
She is tough, independence and strong.
After she graduated from secondary school, she gave up her dream of further study for the sake of family.
Without her sacrifice, I will not be able to sit at here and study my diploma.
Every month, she contributed approximately 60% of her salary to this family without any grumble.
She bears all the financial pressure, working pressure. She never tells us about what difficulties she is facing.
I know she doesn’t want to burden us and make us worried.
I do not know whether all these pressures are part of the factors that lead to this illness, but still I would blame myself of not sharing her pressure together and let her faced all the stress alone.
Now I just realized I was so ignorant, egocentric and never been thinking about how stress is my sister.
Perhaps, I should be responsible of this incident as well.
After discussed, we decided to let her gone through radiation therapy at least still have the hope to recover.
Otherwise, she will leave us forever in a short period of time.
She had gone through 25 times of radiation therapy.
Moreover, the cancerous cells might not be eliminated so easily.
We saw her become emaciated.
It seems like the effort we poured before were in vain.
The consequence is still the same.
We place a great deal of faith in my sister.
Even only heaven knows when she can discharge.
We know my sister will definitely recover.
I still believe on her.
My sister is staying at hospital for years, but we could see that her condition is much better than before.
Perhaps, many miracles do happen to my sister, that’s why she is able to undergo one and another fateful journey.
Through this incident, I learn that we shall appreciate what we possess.
Only heaven knows when our beloved will leave us. I will not blame the God anymore.
I learn to accept the arrangement of God if such circumstances happen again.
I didn’t care about others feeling before.
After this, I know me couldn’t endure with the feeling of suddenly losing either one of my family members or friends again. Thus what I can do is to accompany them more when everything isn’t too late.
that's what i wrote for my creative writing assignment. it's not a make up story, it's my exertion, my encounter. what i gone through might happen to many people around me, but human beings is a kind of odd creatures. we only mourn over it after we lost it. i had been wayward, ignorant. i wish the same scene will not happen to others anymore. let take my experience as a lessson. don't lament only when we lost the precious one.
i'm a bit can't stand with you. please do not assert your obligation towards me. i'm just a normal human being, same as you i also will be weary. please remember that i'm not a god or robot. we have discussed that day, i will work on Monday and Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday for this week. you will be working on Wednesday to Friday. and now you requested for me to replace you on this Friday, it is a bit over. I've said very clearly and certainly before, i only will work for 4days in a week. the rest please settle you own. this is your obligation, no matter what happen you have to be responsible of it. otherwise, how you are going to face the cruelty of this society in the future with such attitude? i really can't help you for this intense period as I'm also scurry my assignment. if you were in my shoes, you also would feel apprehensive if i asked for such request, isn't it?
hmmm... now i really realized the differences of after well-dressed and before. today i went to sing at greenbox karaoke with my buddies. i went there by alone. before i started talking about my personal experience, let me tell you all what i wore today. i was wearing a pair of high heel shoe, a short pants and a white blouse. as i get up the bus, the bus contractor who is a chinese keep on finding topic talk to me, he asked : where are you going? what are u doing at there? and definitely i answered politely.
lastly i reached sungai wang, he even said :i give you my number, next time if you go sg.wang again, you can find me, i bring you try something interesting... then i just smiled because i really didn't know how should i react....
afterthat, i had my lunch alone as bk them all finished having their lunch. then the same thing happened when i finished my meal, three guys entered that restaurant to have their meals. i was facing to wall that time. abruptly, one of them appeared in front of me and looking on the posts from customers that stick on the wall. just within 5 seconds, he back to his seat. i felt weird and at first i thought he wants to read all those posts, but how could he finished reading within 5 seconds? so i'm 90% sure he is purposely want to see how i'm look like @@. moreover, i listen clearly about his conversation with his friends. they were talking about: "ei... that girl looks not bad ar..." "hey, if you want to tackle her, faster go and get her phone number and blah blah blah..." definitely they were talking about me because i was the only female customer inside the shop. at the same time, i hope the cashier gave me the change as soon as he could so i can leave the shop as quick as i could.
the world is reality, if that time i was wearing a pair of jeans and t-shirt, i don't think they will react in the same way... the conclusion is everyone loves to see beautiful things, xD...
i learned this phrase during tutorial on malaysia: cultural and religious practice. according to Hofstede, uncertainty avoidance means "the extent to which people within a culture are made nervous by unpredictable, unclear or unstructured situation, therefore they try to avoid by maintaining strict codes of behavior and a belief in absolute truths." in a word, uncertainty avoidance means the avoidance from something that is not unpredictable. according to research conducted by Hofstede, majority malaysian is in the middle of high and low uncertainty avoidance. future is unpredictable, i'm willing to take the challenge although i'm afraid of uncertainty at the same time. that's the real meaning of LIFE. always progress and change. if u do not change and maintain the same level after 10years, then you will be knockout by the tide of development. if your future and lifen is arranged by elder or parents, then what's the meaning of LIFE?
after browsed to blog of some friends, most of them posted on how they celebrated valentine's day n birthday with their another half. and quite many of them had gone through a romantic valentine's day. thus, i recall my memory on how i celebrated those event. i can say that truly it is not romantic at all. it is the second valentine's day. he wasn't at kl last valentine's. and this year no candlelight dinner, no flowers,we only went to watch movie and then back home on that day. a cake,two candles and him accompanied my birthday. in fact, i was really a bit disappointed about that, he didn't give me some surprise... sigh... but i am same as other girl. maybe his mind is i am very realistic, thus he need not prepare all these. but, sure i wish my dearest will act differently from normal in those special days. however, dreaming is dreaming, reality is reality. i have to back from dreamland to reality,he is my dearest. i expected all these from the day we're together. am i repent about my decision? definitely i'm not regret. i still love him, but i am sure he does not realize that no matter how realistic a girl is, she still hopes a cinderella can becomes a princess despite only for one night. that's the different between men and women. he doesn't understand that candlelight dinner,flowers that are "traditional gimmick" will always trap the heart of every girl. small details that guy tend to ignore is actually what care by women. i had said before it's better u give me all the cash if u use the money to buy i bouquet of roses to me. at the end, i really din receive even a rose on valentine's day. == what does romantic means to you?
it is the last semester in diploma, i feel like i do nothing within these two years. and recently i was passive in doing everything include study, find a job. maybe it is due to play online game too much, become addicted to it. so start from now i MUST control the time of entertainment. i restrict myself cannot play game more than 2 hours per day.
THINGS MUST DO 1. write an article everyday as a preparation to advanced diploma 2. read a book within two weeks 3. read English and Chinese newspapers everyday 4. learn all the English grammar 5. read an article and speak it out to improve my pronunciation
some new words i learn today -bewildered,weary,haggard= tired, exhausted -wrath=angry (example: her behavior kindles his wrath) -kindle=raise -onslaught=sudden attack (e.g war) -trod=step (example: he has never trod on the place after that day)
now i'm reading the book of J.R.R.Tolkien, The Children of Hurin. the story a bit similar to The Lord of The Ring. my dear is going back home tomorrow. sigh, see him after one week...
i am still remember this poem, i learned it when i was in secondary school... there was two road diverge, you only can take one, you'll never know what happen to another road... now i'm standing in front of two roads, it was like i back to the time when i was graduated from secondary school. different decision different consequences,different result. which way i should go? which path will direct me to a better life?
advantages and disadvantages of two different decision:
ADVANTAGES OF CONTINUE STUDYING 1. actually i like study though before that i found that as day by day i lost the passionate of learning. 2. study is a good thing, a basic element leads to better future. 3. increase my competitiveness DISADVANTAGES OF CONTINUE STUDYING 1. cannot working full time, no permanent financial support 2. can't help my family 3. my dad cannot retire
ADVANTAGES OF WORKING 1. help my family, my dad relieve their financial burden. 2. a permanent financial income 3. get more experience
DISADVANTAGES OF WORKING 1. i hate working 2. i cannot continue studying .....
lastly i found that maybe one of the reasons i like studying is due to i want escape from reality, escape from the cruelty of reality temporarily.... piggu, you said three working days to process. please proceed your report to me punctually after three days, effective from the time i post this.... XD
