visiting to hospital everyday has become a habit that i hope i can never ever do it from now on. we're waiting miracle from say to day. waiting for my sister to recover from illness, waiting for the slightly positive changes on her health. even it was such a great relieve when seeing herself able to move her hands to scratch her itchy face. she moved her hand slowly and tried her best to scratch her face without seeking help from us. mixed feelings raise up at the moment. i'm happy and at the same time i'm grieved over it. my sister shouldn't suffer because of this illness. she is only 27-year-old, this is the moment to enjoy life. thinking of this makes me sorrow again. the readers of this blog might say: sadness helps nothing. i know it, i know i shouldn't be pessimistic, i should always think of the bright side. if u were in my shoes, u will know that it is not that easy to not think about it. sometimes i think how long my bro-in-law can wait? one year? 2 years? endless sigh when ponder about this. when she is weeping, she is helpless, what can we lend her a hand? it is nothing we could help... in front of crowded, i'm always cheerful, optimistic, tough. sometimes it is just a mask, they do not see the vulnerable side ...
after been years with him, i found out that how to maintain a relationship is far more difficult that decide to start a relationship. as passion will decrease as time goes, how to be passion, avoid unnecessary quarrels are essential. yesterday morning i "shouted" at him because he didn't wash his glass, i do not think i was shouting at him (in fact i was just talking slightly louder). but he thought i shouted to him. thus he also get irritated. on my way went to work, once again we argued again. he wanted me to put on safety belt, but i don't want because the destination is very near. now, we start our quarrel just because of small matter. after the honeymoon period,that's what will happen. if a couple cannot go through those obstacles, then finally it leads to break up. how to maintain a good and sweet relationship is hard. before i'm dating with him, i would think if a couple cannot be together anymore then the best way is to break up. but after I'm in the shoes, i think at least both parties should try their best to mend the breach between them. he always says i'm not listening to what he said, he wants his girl friend listen to him always. i admit i have fault too, but sometimes i hope he also will not forget that i always have my principles. i'm his girl friend now, but it doesn't mean i have to turn my personalities to suit all his needs. thinking about such problems make me frustrated...
8 October 2007, it is an unforgettable day in my life.
The tragic change that happened to my family will etch in my memory forever.
Even this miserable incident has been happened approximately after two years; my tears still would slide down my cheek uncontrollably once I recall my memories regarding this.
The wound is still remaining in the deep bottom of everyone’s heart, never been scab before.
My beloved eldest sister was found fainted in washroom and sent to hospital instantaneously that day.
She was remained unconscious after being sent to hospital.
The doctor said my sister was in a chronic condition. Her brain pressure was the double of normal people and operation must be executed without delay to secure her life.
All of these happened in a sudden.
I still remember no matter how we call her name, shriek to her, begged her not to leave us, she was no response at all.
The percentage of succeed was only 20% for this risky operation.
The most saddened is doctor asked us to say whatever we would like to tell her as this might be the last chance we could ever saw her. All of us wept together after heard about this.
I still remember she told us she was going to marry in the end of year joyfully before the incident happened.
How happy we were when we heard about this.
Wow, finally my sister would get married soon!
She sent me to college that morning and she was lying on bed and we might separate with each other eternally.
How could we accept this tragic change?
It must be a long and dreadful nightmare for us.
The whole family was sleepless that night.
After the operation she was comma and staying at ICU.
After a scrupulous medical checkup, specialist found that there was an approximately 1cm tumor in her right brain. I never been expected that such scenario that generally can be found on drama truly happened to me. I hope it is benign tumor.
The doctor said it is a miracle if she can wake up. Everyday we brought our hope to hospital and back with despair. Once we saw the scene of her body filled with syringes and relied on respiratory apparatus to sustain her life, heart broken again and again. After one week, perhaps the God listened to our invocation, miracle does happen to us!!! Its must be the benediction from the God!! Without disappointing us, my sister did it. I know she also didn’t want to leave us. Without her, we are no longer a complete family.
After that, she also went through few risky major operations. And she managed to go through one after another obstacle. Because of those operations, she lost all her hair and became bald. I know she liked her long hair so much. I know she was suffering, but I can’t do anything. What I can do was only accompanied her always, gave her our support to help her gone through these obstacles.
She discharged from hospital after one month and the wedding held as planned.
It was much gratified us that her boyfriend still insisting to held wedding ceremony with her.
With our heartfelt blessing, all of us wish she would live happily ever after this adverse incident.
We saw her recovered progressively; we face all the obstacles in the way of recovery together with her and saw her hair grew gradually.
We were so relieved to see that progress of her health.
However, good day would not long-lasting.
The same thing happened on her again after 4 months of her marriage.
She complained that she was suffering from difficulties of breathing those few days.
After being sent to hospital and undergone a scrupulous medical checkup, the tumor in her brain has turned from benign tumor to malignant.
That means she is diagnosed with brain cancer and it is final phase.
Worst still, it is final phase brain cancer!!!
What should we do?
Doctor explained to us that even she is so lucky and able to recover from illness, she couldn’t be as normal as before as part of her brain is damaged.
Perhaps she would become paralyzed, blind.
That means anything could be happened to her.
Our hearts scattered all over again.
Once again, we experienced the heart broken feeling.
Our feelings cannot be depicted by using a few words.
We have live together with each together for 20 years, and now the God said he will come and bring my sister away from us.
The feeling is like someone tore our heart into hundred pieces.
In fact, there is no known cause of brain cancer.
Extensive research has been conducted to pinpoint a cause to help prevent the cancer from occurring.
Although there has not been very much conclusive evidence leading to an exact cause of brain cancer, the one thing that doctors do know is that brain cancer is not contagious and it does not occur due to head injury.
Genetic factors, various environmental toxins, radiation, and cigarette smoking have all been linked to cancers of the brain. Some internal factors such as too much pressure might also lead to this disease.
It can be happened to anyone on any ages.
Fate is cruel.
Fatefully, the God has chosen my sister to become one of them.
She kept on feeling nausea and complaining headache before.
For a few time, she said she was drowsy.
We didn’t know that are the symptoms of this chronic disease.
I hate the God. Despite it is a perilous journey for all of us especially my sister, but life still has to continue.
We cannot sad anymore, otherwise how we’re going to take care of my sister?
She is my role model in doing everything.
She is tough, independence and strong.
After she graduated from secondary school, she gave up her dream of further study for the sake of family.
Without her sacrifice, I will not be able to sit at here and study my diploma.
Every month, she contributed approximately 60% of her salary to this family without any grumble.
She bears all the financial pressure, working pressure. She never tells us about what difficulties she is facing.
I know she doesn’t want to burden us and make us worried.
I do not know whether all these pressures are part of the factors that lead to this illness, but still I would blame myself of not sharing her pressure together and let her faced all the stress alone.
Now I just realized I was so ignorant, egocentric and never been thinking about how stress is my sister.
Perhaps, I should be responsible of this incident as well.
After discussed, we decided to let her gone through radiation therapy at least still have the hope to recover.
Otherwise, she will leave us forever in a short period of time.
She had gone through 25 times of radiation therapy.
Moreover, the cancerous cells might not be eliminated so easily.
We saw her become emaciated.
It seems like the effort we poured before were in vain.
The consequence is still the same.
We place a great deal of faith in my sister.
Even only heaven knows when she can discharge.
We know my sister will definitely recover.
I still believe on her.
My sister is staying at hospital for years, but we could see that her condition is much better than before.
Perhaps, many miracles do happen to my sister, that’s why she is able to undergo one and another fateful journey.
Through this incident, I learn that we shall appreciate what we possess.
Only heaven knows when our beloved will leave us. I will not blame the God anymore.
I learn to accept the arrangement of God if such circumstances happen again.
I didn’t care about others feeling before.
After this, I know me couldn’t endure with the feeling of suddenly losing either one of my family members or friends again. Thus what I can do is to accompany them more when everything isn’t too late.
that's what i wrote for my creative writing assignment. it's not a make up story, it's my exertion, my encounter. what i gone through might happen to many people around me, but human beings is a kind of odd creatures. we only mourn over it after we lost it. i had been wayward, ignorant. i wish the same scene will not happen to others anymore. let take my experience as a lessson. don't lament only when we lost the precious one.
i'm a bit can't stand with you. please do not assert your obligation towards me. i'm just a normal human being, same as you i also will be weary. please remember that i'm not a god or robot. we have discussed that day, i will work on Monday and Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday for this week. you will be working on Wednesday to Friday. and now you requested for me to replace you on this Friday, it is a bit over. I've said very clearly and certainly before, i only will work for 4days in a week. the rest please settle you own. this is your obligation, no matter what happen you have to be responsible of it. otherwise, how you are going to face the cruelty of this society in the future with such attitude? i really can't help you for this intense period as I'm also scurry my assignment. if you were in my shoes, you also would feel apprehensive if i asked for such request, isn't it?
hmmm... now i really realized the differences of after well-dressed and before. today i went to sing at greenbox karaoke with my buddies. i went there by alone. before i started talking about my personal experience, let me tell you all what i wore today. i was wearing a pair of high heel shoe, a short pants and a white blouse. as i get up the bus, the bus contractor who is a chinese keep on finding topic talk to me, he asked : where are you going? what are u doing at there? and definitely i answered politely.
lastly i reached sungai wang, he even said :i give you my number, next time if you go sg.wang again, you can find me, i bring you try something interesting... then i just smiled because i really didn't know how should i react....
afterthat, i had my lunch alone as bk them all finished having their lunch. then the same thing happened when i finished my meal, three guys entered that restaurant to have their meals. i was facing to wall that time. abruptly, one of them appeared in front of me and looking on the posts from customers that stick on the wall. just within 5 seconds, he back to his seat. i felt weird and at first i thought he wants to read all those posts, but how could he finished reading within 5 seconds? so i'm 90% sure he is purposely want to see how i'm look like @@. moreover, i listen clearly about his conversation with his friends. they were talking about: "ei... that girl looks not bad ar..." "hey, if you want to tackle her, faster go and get her phone number and blah blah blah..." definitely they were talking about me because i was the only female customer inside the shop. at the same time, i hope the cashier gave me the change as soon as he could so i can leave the shop as quick as i could.
the world is reality, if that time i was wearing a pair of jeans and t-shirt, i don't think they will react in the same way... the conclusion is everyone loves to see beautiful things, xD...
i learned this phrase during tutorial on malaysia: cultural and religious practice. according to Hofstede, uncertainty avoidance means "the extent to which people within a culture are made nervous by unpredictable, unclear or unstructured situation, therefore they try to avoid by maintaining strict codes of behavior and a belief in absolute truths." in a word, uncertainty avoidance means the avoidance from something that is not unpredictable. according to research conducted by Hofstede, majority malaysian is in the middle of high and low uncertainty avoidance. future is unpredictable, i'm willing to take the challenge although i'm afraid of uncertainty at the same time. that's the real meaning of LIFE. always progress and change. if u do not change and maintain the same level after 10years, then you will be knockout by the tide of development. if your future and lifen is arranged by elder or parents, then what's the meaning of LIFE?
after browsed to blog of some friends, most of them posted on how they celebrated valentine's day n birthday with their another half. and quite many of them had gone through a romantic valentine's day. thus, i recall my memory on how i celebrated those event. i can say that truly it is not romantic at all. it is the second valentine's day. he wasn't at kl last valentine's. and this year no candlelight dinner, no flowers,we only went to watch movie and then back home on that day. a cake,two candles and him accompanied my birthday. in fact, i was really a bit disappointed about that, he didn't give me some surprise... sigh... but i am same as other girl. maybe his mind is i am very realistic, thus he need not prepare all these. but, sure i wish my dearest will act differently from normal in those special days. however, dreaming is dreaming, reality is reality. i have to back from dreamland to reality,he is my dearest. i expected all these from the day we're together. am i repent about my decision? definitely i'm not regret. i still love him, but i am sure he does not realize that no matter how realistic a girl is, she still hopes a cinderella can becomes a princess despite only for one night. that's the different between men and women. he doesn't understand that candlelight dinner,flowers that are "traditional gimmick" will always trap the heart of every girl. small details that guy tend to ignore is actually what care by women. i had said before it's better u give me all the cash if u use the money to buy i bouquet of roses to me. at the end, i really din receive even a rose on valentine's day. == what does romantic means to you?
it is the last semester in diploma, i feel like i do nothing within these two years. and recently i was passive in doing everything include study, find a job. maybe it is due to play online game too much, become addicted to it. so start from now i MUST control the time of entertainment. i restrict myself cannot play game more than 2 hours per day.
THINGS MUST DO 1. write an article everyday as a preparation to advanced diploma 2. read a book within two weeks 3. read English and Chinese newspapers everyday 4. learn all the English grammar 5. read an article and speak it out to improve my pronunciation
some new words i learn today -bewildered,weary,haggard= tired, exhausted -wrath=angry (example: her behavior kindles his wrath) -kindle=raise -onslaught=sudden attack (e.g war) -trod=step (example: he has never trod on the place after that day)
now i'm reading the book of J.R.R.Tolkien, The Children of Hurin. the story a bit similar to The Lord of The Ring. my dear is going back home tomorrow. sigh, see him after one week...
i am still remember this poem, i learned it when i was in secondary school... there was two road diverge, you only can take one, you'll never know what happen to another road... now i'm standing in front of two roads, it was like i back to the time when i was graduated from secondary school. different decision different consequences,different result. which way i should go? which path will direct me to a better life?
advantages and disadvantages of two different decision:
ADVANTAGES OF CONTINUE STUDYING 1. actually i like study though before that i found that as day by day i lost the passionate of learning. 2. study is a good thing, a basic element leads to better future. 3. increase my competitiveness DISADVANTAGES OF CONTINUE STUDYING 1. cannot working full time, no permanent financial support 2. can't help my family 3. my dad cannot retire
ADVANTAGES OF WORKING 1. help my family, my dad relieve their financial burden. 2. a permanent financial income 3. get more experience
DISADVANTAGES OF WORKING 1. i hate working 2. i cannot continue studying .....
lastly i found that maybe one of the reasons i like studying is due to i want escape from reality, escape from the cruelty of reality temporarily.... piggu, you said three working days to process. please proceed your report to me punctually after three days, effective from the time i post this.... XD
2/9/2008 three days before exam, but my mind still wandering , i lose the track of what i'm doing. 1/9/2008 holiday, did nothing, mind tied on online games 31/8/2008 working a whole day, malaysia's 51th birthday, get double paid for this day, rm190 overall. yeah, temporary free from works. 30/8/2008 working a whole day, feeeling lazy... 29/8/2008 worked at koon huat jln ipoh. job is easy, just gave away free gift. i know quite a lot about about. a beginning lesson to paint. worked for 7 hours, salary rm100. saw chan, next time call me again if u has such job.
just now was going out with coursemates and lecturer. chui foon's 19-year-old birthday, cheers!!! julius said dream is very important as it is a motivation that you chase for. then he asked us, 10 person, why we choose study JR? my reason is very simple: i want to be a journalist as i could see, chiau cheah and julia hope they can continue studying Chinese at university. chee hong and sheau yun they wish someday they can be an author. while k'ng and tina wanna be a teacher in the future. jeffrey is more interested in being current affairs commentor. chui foon and kok wai are interested in news. seems like the number of people that really keen to be a journalist is very few. he also told us that, as we involved in mass com, we will struggle what to write. tell the truth? or do whatever your editor wants you to write? your writing will influence the world. you wan be a puppet or have your own way? as you get your dream must find some way to realize it. there was no free breakfast in the world. (translate from chinese, haha...) it's time for us to make a decision. u wan floating around and day-dreaming in this two years or do your best in this two years? we still have time to make our best.
er hem... this was prepared by dear as my lunch... i don't know how to name it. bread fried? fried bread? could it be a heart shape next time :D? it's really tasty... once i opened the case, the flavor came out. and i tried it, bite it slowly... wow... it was with a layer of egg topping... yum yum... by the way, the quantity of bread was enough for two meal. he gave me 7 pieces of bread!!! i had been eating it from 11am to about 3.30pm.. anyway, thanks dear... you woke up from 6.30 just want to prepare this one for me... so touching o... muackss... i don't know why every time i eat his cooking, i feel happy. perhaps if explain from psychological way, we feel happy no matter the food is tasty. it's just simply because it's made by your beloved. do you think that it sounds logical? (ya...it's logic) of course it is logic because it's mine theory, Kris's Theory. haha... he wrote this on my hand yesterday. he tried to scare me that if i don't rub it, the ink of highlighter will be absorbed by my skin. does not it sound sarcastic? yes, but i believe on it. so stupid...
dear, sorry for the words that i simply talked just now... i know it wasn't your fault because we can't control the changing of timetable. but the time we meet each other is getting lesser and lesser. in the beginning, i can go your house on tuesday,eat your cooking. so nice... but now timetable has changed, your classes will be finished at 4pm. aiyo, I'm no longer can stay at your home for whole noon. cannot eat your cooking... bloody SOT... i curse u!!! (so serious? wahaha...) kill my only time that together with you... dear, sorry.. i have taekwondo, i have to work, i have to go to hospital... plus we can't go out at night... i'm not a nice girlfriend, can't accompany you always... in fact, it's my problem instead always blame you couldn't be with me frequently... i'm really not a nice girlfriend. sorry, dear...
as a future journalist, i realize that there was no freedom of speech in this country. three days ago, journalists were barred from entering parliament. wa... you see how democracy this country is. super duper DEMOCRACY. politicians' acting are absolutely amazing and they can be the Oscar winner. malaysia is a political stable country, remain the same government for the past 50 years. that's why it's really STABLE. petrol price increase once a few months, now reaching rm2.70 per liter. BN claimed that it was the LOWEST in the ASEAN. ya la, i know you know we know rm2.70 is the "LOWEST" in the region. but malaysia is oil producing countries. let us compare the price with OIL PRODUCING countries: UAE – RM1.19/litre Eygpt – RM1.03/litre Bahrain – RM0.87/litre Qatar – RM0.68/litre Kuwait – RM0.67/litre Saudi Arabia – RM0.38/litre Iran – RM0.35/litre Nigeria – RM0.32/litre Turkmenistan – RM0.25/litre Venezuela – RM0.16/litre MALAYSIA – RM2.70/litre
so called" LOWEST"
this is the way BN lies to Rakyat. cheating us for 50 years huh...
just now i sent shin kiat to ground floor by lift. i scolded two kids that were simply press lift buttons. i know i'm quite fierce at that time (not only at that time, it's i am fierce at all time) i couldn't bear with naughty kids that simply playing with lift and affect others. after we went out from lift, he told me not to be too fierce next time. okay, i admit i was quite hot-tempered just now. now i think back, i wonder why just now i get so angry? it's really no point for me to scolded that two naughty kids... he is right. well, i promise you. next time i will be more fondness
i opened my locker this morning and then i found two pieces of bread and one box of chocolate milk. wa... so sweet^o^... someone prepared breakfast for me... dear, you are the best!!! however, sometimes i really feel like i'm a guy from personalities while shinkiat's personalities are more like girl,perhaps?? he is gentle to me, while i'm rough and careless... with my limited english, i couldn't find a proper adjectives to describe myself. will u blame me due to i am not caring and not feminine??
i start the second year at TARC. it is the second week of fourth semester. as the opening of school, there are quite a number of people withdraw from JR. ice,tracy,ranjini,hashvini,sheila,li bing are no longer with us. while jia lerk repeats the subjects he fails. 34 people minus 7, left 27 people. i heard that this year junior only 17 people. wow, i'm doubting that will they be the same after one year and only left 10 person in one course?? is journalism really a tough subject and makes people give it up?? personally, i don't think so. if you're really keen in being a journalist then you won't be given it up easily. perhaps JR wasn't what they really want thus they choose to stop it earlier rather than wasting their time. i'm agree with that. if u found that u dislike or feel this is a mundane course,then you're supposed to quit it. it's fine but please make sure ourselves won't regret of our action.
Yeah!!! Eventually, my third semester result released. Yesterday my stomach was filled with butterfly. I get A- for translation, B+ for mass media and society, obtaining two credit hour for Taekwondo as well. ShinKiat also pass all the subject and successfully further his study to advanced diploma. Yeah!!! Yeah!!! Yeah!!! Fortunately, he pass. Otherwise, i have to separate with him one year. Suddenly i'm quite proud of myself. haha... Despite i was having chicken pox that time, but i can pass the two subjects and get a unexpected result. hohoho... Shinkiat, I miss you o... haha...
Tomotherapyis the future of radiation therapy. when it applied to the brain it named NeuroTomotherapy. this treatment is available at Singapore Brain,Spine,Nerve Center. definitely this type of treatment will be worked better than traditional radiation therapy such as Gamma knife, X-knife, Cyberknife and Novalis.
I went PJ again training for the next project, Spontex gloves. I'm really tired of going there once a week. It wastes my time and money. But today's training is slightly different from previous. It improves my general knowledge. Well, let me briefly explain the five types gloves of Spontex and the yellow mop as well. I'm definitely not trying to push the sales of Spontex. By the way, i just want to recall my memory since i'm quite free now. First of all, our hands are the first area contact with anything and hands will show the true age. Our face can be staying flawless and radiance as long as you have money. Lotions and creams are essential in taking good care of our hand but they cannot prevent us contacting with dirt, grease, detergent etc. Thus, we NOW have a solution. It's SPONTEX GLOVES!!! The first one, DAILY DEFENSE With its cotton flock lining, it can absorbs perspiration thus our hands will feel more comfortable. Beside, it has long cuff for us to turn back to catch drips. It is durable and heavier compare to other range of products. The second one, SENSITIVE. From it's name we could know that this product is for those who has sensitive skin. Made up from natural latex and included cotton flock lining as well. The third one, COMFY. This one is the lightest in weight and ultra thin. It is tailored to meet consumers' needs. High flexibility and sensitivity make this gloves to be a super duper product!!!(hahaha...too emphasize on it) And the last one is FRESH LEMON. This type of gloves is lemon-scented, thus it is suitable to use it when washing toilet. But not everyone likes it. After the briefing, suddenly client visited us and wanted to look at our performance. Wen-ji said that our presentation are well-done and gave us some special gift,which are three sachet of nescafe 3in1 and sanitary pads. She said this was the first time client praised about ts's performance. haha,that's mean my performance was quite good as well....
yesterday i went to genting highlands along with shin kiat and jong yen. yeah!!!long time i didn't visit to there. the temperature is far colder than i expect. global warming seems like doesn't affect genting highlands i was wearing a short pants and shivering. a jacket didn't enough for me to get rid myself from coldness. even inside a car, i still felt i was inside an igloo. by the way, this trip is really happy^^...
God decides the time we leave the world. i believe that everyone is equally in the eyes of death. No matter you are poor or rich, you bring nothing except your soul and merit when you left the world. and i believe the existence of hell and heaven. i don't know why i type all these. that's a lot of unhappiness, but sometimes it's hard to say it out. so i rather choose to type it. that was quite a number of things happened to my family recently. i am truly hope things could be never happened before but it's impossible. as it's impossible, thus we have to accept. we can't escape from the reality. i keep on telling myself unhappiness will disappear and life will be joyous again. 我被压得块头不过气了，就连与你讲电话时眼泪也会不自禁的流下。 我真的不想这样。。。 我只能看着姐姐虚弱地躺在床上，然而我却不能帮她做点什么。 我好怕真的好怕她就这样走了，我们再也看不到她。 我知道我应该要坚强要有信心，可是有时候我真的不想假装没事因为我的心真的很痛。 就让我再这一刻懦弱一下，好吗？ 姐，答应我们。 为了我们，为了姐夫，为了你自己，你一定要好起来。。。
just now we celebrated birthday with cherry. but she seems like not happy and a bit moody. why will like this? haiz... is she doesn't happy with the celebration or she has something to think but doesn't say it out... why why why? why i feel like the relationship between us become estrange?
My wages has been increasing from rm70 per day to rm120 per day. It's a good news for me and as well as it is a bad news for me. Take more money means you have to do more. I expect it. in the other hand, the more money you get, the more easier you will be controlled by money. Money is not everything but truly without money we can't survive. If i work every week, then the time i meet with with shinkiat will be lesser and lesser. I'm his girlfriend, i shouldn't let him feel alone. I'm really afraid that he will tell me: i have a girlfriend but why i didn't feel the existence of her? I feel so sorry of him. why he likes me? I'm not feminine, not thoughtfulness, boyish and always no free time accompany him...
i broke the pair of couple ring that we bought yesterday.... sad... :(
i just wore it once, not exceed 24 hours then now it became such condition... the damn mosquitoes!!! perhaps i am not suitable to be the owner of this ring... a meaningful ring was broken by me.... (sobbing...) i am the murderer of this ring...
